Boobs. Knockers. The twins, tits, milk-bags, melons, cha-chas, fun-bags, jugs, milkshakes and ta-tas are just a few of my favorite euphemisms for the word breast. After the conversation I had with my daughter yesterday, I’m adding droopy nuggets and sad-sacks to the list.
ME Do you want to try chicken nuggets again? I’m so excited that you are trying new foods!
CATE What happened to your nuggets (poking my boobs)?
ME My what?
CATE Your Boobs. They look like wrinkly nuggets. What happened to them? They are so….sad. They are like sad sacks.
ME They are not sad. They are healthy and happy.
CATE But look at them. Droopy nuggets!
ME Well, I’m not wearing a bra and I’m old and my boobs have been through a lot. They didn’t used to look like this.
CATE Floop (poking and flopping my left boob)! So nuggety and sad.
ME They used to be perky, full and firm. So, are you going to try chicken nuggets again?
CATE Okay, but first I’m going to wear your boob as a floppy hat. Look (Lifts my boob up and plops it on her head, grinning)!
ME Seriously, stop. I need to put on a bra so we can go get you some chicken nuggets.
CATE Ok! Boobs and nuggets! Can I have a milkshake too?
ME My milkshakes bring the boys to the yard….damn right (I start singing)!
ME Oh, it’s a silly song about how a girl has such nice boobs, the boys all come to her house to see them. It’s a catchy tune!
CATE Did the boys like your boobs?
ME They did. They still do. Daddy does.
CATE GROSS STOP IT! Will my boobs look like yours someday?
ME Maybe. Probably. Most likely. Yes.
CATE I don’t want boys in my yard. I hate boys.
ME You might change your mind about that someday. Sort of like how you used to hate chicken nuggets and now you like them.
CATE NEVER. Bra you. Nuggets me.
ME GO WE!
CATE Can we stop talking about this?
ME You started it.
CATE And I’m ending it. I’m hungry for nuggets and a milkshake.
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