The Karma Train to Parentville

Long ago I set the stage for my current situation, which is, if you can imagine, me tied down to some metaphorical railroad tracks while the symbolic karma train runs me over a few dozen times a day on it’s way to wherever it’s going in Parentville. I will tell you that the metaphorical train is one heavy mofo, filled with weighty wisdom. My worst days as a parent are better than my best days before I got lucky enough to get such cool crotchfruit. That being said, I have some bad, bad days as a parent. But somewhere in between the time when my vicious cloud of post partum depression lifted and my father’s dead body was lowered into the ground, I figured how to let go of sadness and cling for dear life to joy.

Ugh but sometimes I don’t. I just can’t hold on anymore and I feel myself slipping into the darkness.

Like everyone, sometimes I need help because there are days when I just cannot do it alone. The karma train is stalled on the tracks right on top of my head, specifically with the wheels over my big, stupid mouth, shutting it for me when I can’t shut it myself. SO I WRITE ABOUT IT. It helps a bit. Sometimes.But other times? NOT. SO. MUCH.  Momma needs more.

And when that happens and I need to laugh or a wee mood lift, you know, to distract me from the train crushing my skull, I go find the funny. I’m very good at finding the fun in the dysfunctional and reaching out for help. If you need a to laugh or a lift today, you are in the right place. I have a photo gallery present just for you. I never thought I was cut out to be a parent. I’m still not sure I am, but I wrote a good goddamn book about this crap and it’s funny and sad and weird and I hope it helps you find your funny.

Am I a good parent? Who the fuck knows? Time will tell. If at least one of my kids reaches the age of 30 without doing time in the pokey or dealing drugs to pre-schoolers – if they can make and maintain long term friendships and enjoy healthy romantic relationships, and hold down a job – if they grow up to be kind citizens of the world who have open minds and kinds hearts – if they forgive others yet don’t forget to stand up for themselves – well, then I’ll give myself a pat on the back for doing something right as a parent. Until then, I’m gonna rely on the wild, whacky, and wise words of others to help me get by. Here are some of my “go-to” parenting giggles and guides. Enjoy. And buy my book, TODAY m’kay? Because today is my PUBLISHING DAY!


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