Archive for April 2013

A week in the life of Reese Witherspoon - A lesson in empowerment for women

I am fully aware that two blog posts about Reese Witherspoon (read the last one here) in one week could be perceived as creepy, but it’s already an established fact that I’m odd and sort of “off” by regular person standards, so I said to myself, – Self – fuck it! Write about Reese again... Read more »

Girls Night Out Part One

This is the first post in a series of three about how important it is for women, especially mothers, to get the hell out of the house on a regular basis in order to preserve their sanity. A Girls Night Out, or GNO as I’ll be calling it, is often a light at the end... Read more »

The five things I do not want for Mother's Day

Kids hate making this crap at school and I don't know any moms that enjoy receiving these paper fibs on Mother's Day. LIES! Chore coupons? At our house, no kid has the option of choosing what chores they will do. A vestigial tail would be of greater use to me than these coupons, although if there wasn't a square of toilet paper to spare in the entire house, I suppose these could come in handy if kept in the shitter with the smutty rags and Sudoko puzzle books.
My father in law (may he be resting in perfect peace) used to say that he enjoyed giving me gifts because I was so easy to please and always so grateful. It’s true. I don’t want or need much and I’m perfectly content with the things that I have.  I’m not into clothes, shoes or... Read more »

Why what Reese said to the police isn't important

Truth – When I need to decompress, I tune out the world and tune into some full on girl power chick flicks. My top three romantic comedies are: While You Were Sleeping, When Harry Met Sally and Sweet Home Alabama. I have crazy love for comedians, especially female comedians who inspire me and bring me... Read more »

Roger Ebert - Heaven's new food blogger

I like to think that when Roger Ebert opened his next life eyes, two of the first faces he saw were my father and Nora Ephron. You might wonder why I chose my pops, a conservative Republican and loyal Chicago Tribune reader, and an outspoken liberal democrat who felt bad about her neck as his... Read more »

I feel bad about the trees

I feel terrible about the trees. Well, maybe terrible isn’t the right word here. I feel bad. Yeah, that’s really a better description of how I feel about the pretty trees. There really is no need for hyperbole or drama, as I’m not writing a script for an action movie or a political speech. The... Read more »

Youth is wasted on the young

I am lucky to say that I’m still tight with my girlfriends from childhood. We talk about everything you can imagine a bunch of middle age moms would talk about, but for some reason, the conversation always has a smattering of bizarre topics that make me snort laugh. This morning I choked on the spit... Read more »

A Procrastination Intervention

A Procrastination Intervention
I want to be the kind of person who is orGANized and MOtiVATED! I want to be the girl who gets birthday cards in the mail on time, writes and sends thank you notes in a reasonable period of time (reasonable being defined as?). I want to be able to twerk like Miley Cyrus. I... Read more »

Listen to your mother 2013

Listen to your mother 2013
If I stood outside of Hollister at the mall, (UGH, gross, right?) and asked the first 100 teenagers exiting the store the exact same question, I am willing to bet that most, if not all of them would give relatively the same answer, some would use more words, some less, but I’m willing to bet... Read more »

Lean into your own life

I have not read Sheryl Sandburg’s book, Lean In, but I feel like maybe the two of us should exchange copies of our books, because from what I hear, they are quite similar. Oh my GAWD I’m totally shitting ya here, people. Well, sort of. Not really. UGH. Maybe. Honestly, I don’t know because I... Read more »