Why I need a freezer in my bedroom

I get a headache once a month, maybe twice. I’m not headachey, so when I do have a thumpy melon I don’t cope well. Because I KNOW this and because I love my family, I put myself in a time-out so that I don’t damage anybody’s feelings permanently with my horribleness. Last night I was hit with a blast that took over my entire brain and as luck would have it, my husband was home to pick up the slack with the kids. I promptly took some Advil and disappeared into our bedroom.

After an hour the pain was gone so I opened up my latest read and took advantage of the hour I had before having to round the kids up and get them set for bed. FASTEST HOUR EVER! Shit, I mean fastest hour and a half ever. Whoops!

I could blame it on the post headache fuzz, but that would be a big, fat fib. I was comfy, pain-free and in a child neglecting mood. After all, I take care of them all day and do the majority of the other stuff as well on nights and weekends. He could handle a few hours. I was guilt free L A Z Y! It was fun while it lasted and I wanted it to last for a for a teeny bit longer so I shot off a text to my husband.

Me          Send those kiddos up, please. It’s bedtime.

Him         5 minutes. We are having dessert.

Me          K. Send them up with mine. My dessert I mean.

Him         K.

Me          K. Ice cream. Lots of it.

Him         K.

Me          L M N O P

Me          Q R S T U

Him         WTF?

Me          I was just doing the rest of the alphabet.

Him         I know what you were doing.

Me          I was making a funny. You didn’t get it did you?  I’m cracking UP!

Him         Yeah, I’m can see where you would be. How’s your head?

Me          I’m hilarious again so clearly it’s better. Don’t forget the ice cream.

Him         O.K. you are hilarious and healed. Is that all?

Me          No, that is not all. ICE CREAM! You have a clever wife. V W X Y Z !

Him         ————–

No response. I wondered if he was onto me therefore he was too angry to absorb my funny. Bummer, I had plenty more where that came from. Now I was really laughing as in LOL and ROTFLMAO as I heard the kids thundering up the stairs. Time to pull it together and get them washed, brushed, read to and tucked in. I’d eat my DELICIOUS dessert in bed while they scrubbed up.

Mmmmm….a couple hours to myself AND dessert delivered? SUCKER! I told myself that I was so MONEY and then laughed again at my “Swingers” reference. Witty, clever, so MONEY and soon to be full of ice cream was not how I imagined the night to be when I trudged upstairs with a seriously banging brain.

The kids arrived in our room, charging at me like dueling tornados, sending everything in their path flying (and there was a lot to send flying because I’m also very lazy about picking things up off the floor). I was freaking out because I didn’t want whoever was delivering my ice cream to spill it.

But they were empty handed. Empty handed, giggly and flying at me full force! BOOM! Both of them landed on me and immediately started jockeying for position in my lap, elbows flying everywhichway, jabbing me in the head repeatedly. My head began to get a little thumpy again. I grabbed my phone.

Me          I see no ice cream here with these smelly skull crushers.

Him         I thought we were being funny so I didn’t send it up with them.

Me          ICE CREAM

Him         I have a headache.

I didn’t bother sending him a reply but I can tell you that from downstairs it sounded like someone was ROTFLHisAO.

This is why I need a freezer in my bedroom.




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    OMG TWSHIJAPMP. Did ya get that? Hee hee hee. Oh my goodness that was so hilarious I just about peed my pants. Thanks for the grin this morning. What a foolish man to not send ice cream. Is he living still?

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