Boy – Mom, would you help me bandage up this cut on my knee? I think it’s infected?
Me- HOLY SHIT! IT’S TOTALLY INFECTED! How did this get so bad? You have to tell me when you have a cut like this!
Boy- I forgot.
Me- YOU FORGOT? Dude, you could lose a leg from infections like this! How can you FORGET something like this? Z, come on now, you are almost 12 years old. Do I need to check your entire bod from head to toe every day to make sure you keep your limbs until you reach 13?
Boy- (Sheephish grin and shrug followed by screams) OUCH OUCH OUCH! MOM THAT HURTS OH MY GOD STOP! (when Bactine hits the puffed up infected gash on his knee).
Me- I’ll stop if you want to lose this leg to some flesh eating bacteria. You want that?
Boy- No, but it hurts so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!
Me- Well suck it up, Sucker and save the drama for yo momma.
Boy- You are my momma.
Me- That’s just what I tell you so that you don’t freak about being abandoned by gypsies on our front porch. No child of mine would let a wound fester like this. This explains why your real mom didn’t leave a note. No common sense. That or she couldn’t even write. Hard to say although I’ve often wondered about…………
Boy- O.K. stop it! Please! I get the point and I’ll show you right away next time I get hurt. And by the way, I’ve seen the video of when I was born about a THOUSAND times so who’s the drama momma in this situation?
Me- That video is all special effects. You think I can’t photo shop a video or use some bad ass computer program to make fantasy come alive? It’s getting REAL old the way you are constantly underestimating me and my mad skills.
Boy- I underestimate you because you talk like this all the time, Mom. It’s so weird. And annoying.
Me- There you go, calling me “Mom” again after I told you that I’m not really your mom. Now that’s annoying.
Boy- Are you done? Can I go?
Me- Yeah, you are all good for now but I can’t promise you won’t lose this leg ’cause it’s not looking good. Not good at all…..