Victim of Butthurt

My friend sent me an email copy of a note he received from a fellow parent regarding an “incident” that occurred at the preschool. It was so fubar that I laughed until I almost cried and in my mind I drafted a retort that would not only make the woman clutch her pearls but also seal my fate as an outcast in the community. It seems that over-reacting is the norm these days.

It reminded me of a time when Spawn was in daycare and I arrived to find him happily playing Legos while wearing a rather large bandage on his upper arm. As I said, he was contented as could be, building stuff with his little buddy so I quickly forgot about the bandage and scooped him up to go home.

His teacher caught me as I was signing him out to inform me that Spawn had been bitten by another child and that the bite had broken the skin. I appreciated her catching up to me because I’m sure I’d be wondering WTF was up at bath time. I wasn’t upset or surprised. Toddlers and Preschoolers bite. Not all of them but a good portion of little ones still have a difficult time communicating their frustration so they use their teeth instead of their words.

The next day I was approached by one of my favorite parents at pick up and she was a hot mess of regret. It was her daughter that played Jaws with my son. She was beside herself and expressing the kind of remorse and regret that I would expect if her daughter had killed my kid instead of just giving him a nip on the tricep. This melodrama intrigued me.

I immediately felt like hugging her. I’m huggy and so that’s always my first impulse when someone is distraught. I let her blab a bit, and she went on and on about how frustrated she is with her daughter and words words timeout words sorry words. She needed to spew and as my mind was wandering off, it dawned on me that I would also feel terrible if it had been my kid chonking flesh. That’s all it took. I hugged her and she shut up. This lady needed some support.

Every Christmas I hang an ornament on my tree from Grace. Grace is the name of the mini shark. I can see her adorable baby cheeks and chestnut ringlets. My mind flashes to images of Spawn and Grace giggling together over the sand table and snuggling in the book nook together.

The ornament reminds me to be patient with others and with myself. Kids lash out and so do their parents. No matter what age, as parents we have the choice to either react excessively or to use common sense and understanding in response to ANY kid to kid incident. Sometimes though, I can’t be patient. I have to hurl my snarky opinion at idiots who seem to be hopeless victims of fuss and tragedy when it comes to their children.

And so to the lady who felt it necessary to compose a long winded tattletale note to my friend and his wife insinuating the potential of their son to become the clock tower sniper because he “scratched” her son? You are doing it wrong. Your note wasn’t a supportive “it takes a village” attempt to help my friend. It was a butthurt report.

I pray you are reading this right now and you can un-bunch your panties and put a bandage on your mouth because if you don’t, you are just teaching your kid to be a whiny victim of life.

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  • My mom told me that when I was little I bit some kid. Probably in pre-school. I had never done anything like this before and she thought maybe I saw someone else do it so I followed along. She wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to turn into "that kid" so she bit me. Apparently she left marks and I cried and it was enough to make me never bite another kid. Try that now and DCFS would be knocking at your door.

    My youngest is in pre-school and with daycare afterward since I work. I prefer that the people in charge be it the teacher or my daycare provider handle the situation as things happen. I too have had that "oh, by the way, little Johnny got hurt..." conversation and as long as the other child has been talked to and if serious enough, the parents were told I see no need to jump in and confront them myself. Same thing with my daycare lady. We've had problems with another younger child child that kept biting my son. Fortunately he is no longer in her care but I will give her the benefit of the doubt until I see nothing being done, then IT'S ASS KICKIN' TIME!!!!

  • This one hit home today, Nikki. Our wee ones have been fighting since day one of our blended family experiment, and it almost always turns into a my kid against your kid thing, which ultimately turns into a me against you thing.
    Kids do crazy shit to each other, and we can't always place blame and blow every incident out of proportion. Not every stupid thing our kids do when they're little is going to make them become a horrible person someday, so I think it's important to keep things in perspective. Chris and I fight about the kids and pretty much nothing else. And it is usually because one of the wee ones did something to the other, and it somehow felt like a personal attack on our parenting skills. And then we get defensive about "our kid" and we're still fighting long after the kids have gotten over whatever it was that caused us to fight in the first place.
    Not everything kids do is worthy of reacting to. I think we just need to leave it to them sometimes and hope they make the right choices based on what we've taught them. Keep being awesome, Nikki!

  • I've had a similar situation (mine was the one bitten) and another mom who's kid was bitten also wanted to start a petition to have the biter removed. OK, I get that having a kid bite others is a really bad habit to have, but do we really need to take the posse approach and have the poor kid labeled a bad ass and lynched (figuratively, of course). This mom was THAT mom...someones who ALWAYS needs to bitch about SOMETHING lest she feels she's not really doing her job. Funny though....when it was HER little demon spawn being little billy bad ass on the others....she couldn't BELIEVE someone had the NERVE to complain. Moral of the story...With some bitches...ya just can't win.

  • I REALLY need a copy of this butthurt form, i have a few places i would like to distribute it. LOL

  • Bitches be triflin'...

    I am The Onion, and my Baboo was a biter. The easiest child on earth, I think she bit because she was too nice to sock kids who were pissing her off. Luckily, she transferred to pinching her brother's ear when frustrated. Good for her, bad for him.

    I felt like a criminal when my kid was the biter. We tried everything, but it was a phase and it ran it's course. Yes, we bit her and yes i think it worked. Don't judge me, my Mother did the same and you don't see me at 37 biting folks, do you?

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