Lots of emails lately and it means a great deal to me that you take the time to personally contact me, send me photos, share stories and ask questions. I want to address a frequently asked question. Yes, I’m married. I don’t rant or write specifically about my husband for a few reasons. The first is simply because he has asked that I don’t. The second reason is bit more complicated.
If I HYPOTHETICALLY randomly eavesdropped on 100 homes I’m certain I would likely hear the same arguments between married people. I call ’em the big 5: money, sex, in-laws, kids, and division of labor. I don’t enjoy reading about marriage/relationship stuff and I loathe writing about it. It’s too personal, too painful and a topic too subjective to cover and it’s BORING! Let’s just say that me and the big guy do battle over the big 5 frequently and if I were to rant about the things that I have experienced in the last almost 20 years with him it would just add fuel to a fire that doesn’t need more stoking’, just saying.
Earlier this week my husband asked girl child to put on a warmer coat. She whined. He insisted. She stomped dramatically toward the coat rack mumbling and weeping like she was being victimized by a cruel dictator while tossing her light jacket on the floor. Calmly but firmly he said, “Pick that up, NOW. We have enough to do without having to pick up after you when you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself.” We co-parent well. I’m proud of us for that. I find it easy to include him in my rants and blogs when talking about issues related to our spawn just as I find it easy and cathartic to rant and blog to all of you about spawn in general.
Parents relate on a level that literally transcends the spoken word. A simple smile or gesture of understanding from another mom at Wal-Mart when your kid is having a meltdown or someone holding the door for you when you are pushing a stroller with a cranky toddler in tow or giving a subtle nod to a parent comforting a devastated teen athlete after the loss of the championship game. Yep, there is always someone who is going to have been through what you are currently experiencing OR is in a place that you made it through with anywhere from minimal to severe post-traumatic stress disorder. The MWDAS crew has bonded over our similarities as parents; the high highs, the low lows and the daily stuff involved in keeping our wee ones alive until they can make it on their own. It’s a timeless topic.
I choose not to write about marriage and relationships not only out of respect for my husband’s privacy but because I believe that the subjective nature of intimate relationships cannot be a shared experience. Sure I’ve been know to throw down about the big 5 and bitch about the day to day irritations of married life with my girlfriends over a glass (or six) of wine, but I find that it quickly transforms me into a toxic and cranky HAG which then negatively affects my ability to handle the day to day parenting tasks. Being angry and negative is a choice and I’m just guessing that nobody reading this drivel needs anymore gasoline thrown on the flames of their burning hot love match because statistically half of you reading this are either divorced or in the process.
Lunatic, smart ass ranting and venting about the INSANITY of day to day life with kids is also a choice. Raising a person is crazy hard. I still wake up every single day trying to wrap my brain around the idea that 11 years ago I pushed a human out of my lady parts and HE IS STILL ALIVE! Marriage and relationships are crazy hard too but so often temporary. Many people are avoiding marriage altogether these days.
Now parenting? You can’t divorce the toddler if you tire of their tantrums or the teen for being a moody, inconsiderate shit now can you? You are a parent forever and so I CHOOSE to keep my yap blabbing about the messy world of being a mom, m’kay? Kthanksbye.
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