Archive for May 2015

No Milk May

Every May since 2012, I participate in a stupid tradition called No Milk May. It’s not a thing, nor do I hope it ever becomes a thing. I don’t have any supporters and that’s the way I like it. Because do we even know if milk is good or bad for us? The internet can’t seem to agree on... Read more »

Cleaning Out the Fridge Finale - The Middle School Monster

Middle school really wasn’t that bad of a time for me. By middle school standards, I did alright. I don’t have any painful memories from that era. No voice cracking during a presentation, no getting pantsed while slow dancing with a girl, didn’t get slammed into any lockers or any other universal “middle school sucks”... Read more »

Cleaning Out the Fridge - The Semi Restaurant

When we stepped outside, I was hoping the parking lot would be packed with people. Hoping’s not the right word. With Dreamer I’ve started to believe these things will happen. I expected Residents of the waste land to be holding up posters, a marching band playing, Rob Schneider’s character from The Waterboy cheering us on. You can do eeet!... Read more »

Cleaning Out the Fridge - The Omelette Bike Helmet

“I’m-a-let you guess what I’m gonna do with these eggs and this frying pan,” Leaning Man said. He had a great stage voice. He stood completely still, no shaking in his knees, no nervous pacing. “I’m-a-let you figure out if I’m gonna start throwin’ these eggs at you or, I’M-A-LET you decide which type of... Read more »

Cleaning Out the Fridge - Dream Tank

I don’t want to disappoint you with how Mohawk Guy’s voice actually sounded. If you imagine it like Matthew McConaughey in those Lincoln commercials, by all means, stick with that interpretation. Lincoln McConaughey captures the essence of Mohawk Guy, but in actuality his voice was screechy, nasally, it sounded like he was chewing the inside... Read more »