Cubs vs. Nationals Game Five: If the Cubs lose will it really be my fault?

All of the pent-up excitement of the Cubs monumental 2016 Series Championship continues to pump up adrenalin in the 2017 season.

Fans have kept up the faith with their eyes on a Glorious Repeat even when a setback or two cast a slight shadow on the possibility. No worries. Hope was never dismissed and visions of dancing in the streets once again is holding strong.

However, amid all the optimism you have to admit…today it’s a little tense. Tonight is Playoff Game Five against the Washington Nationals and it’s WIN or GO HOME for the Cubbies.

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Now, here is the dilemma…if they lose tonight, SOMEONE could be blaming ME personally.

WHAT??? “That’s friggin’ crazy,” one might exclaim. How could she possibly be the cause of our team’s demise?

My thoughts exactly. Am I practicing some bizarre ritual – sticking pins in little VOODOO dolls of Hendricks, Rizzo, Bryant and the rest? Breaking their little VOODOO arms and legs?

Nooooooo. Never. OK, here’s the story…

As you know, My Sports Guy is an AVID, AVID, SUPER AVID fan. And especially right now, a large part of his waking consciousness is devoted to everything CUBS.

Going to games, watching games, watching pre-games, post-games 24/7. He is mesmerized by the Talking Sports Heads that analyze and debate every single teeny weeny detail. This player’s streak, that player’s slump, blah blah blah.

And his Super Power is Total Sports Recall. For example:

My Sports Guy: “Don’t you remember? We were at that game. So and so made the last out. Remember the grand slam in the 8th inning. We were sitting in the 300 section, etc., etc.”

Me: “That was four years ago. I don’t remember anything about the game we went to last week.”

Consequently, his head is so loaded with all of this crazy trivia that there seems to be increasingly less and less storage available for data that might be necessary for day to day functionality.

Recent scenarios:

My Sports Guy: “I lost my phone.”

Me: “Again?”

My Sports Guy: “I forgot the flash drive I need for a meeting.”

Me: “That doesn’t sound good.”

My Sports Guy: “I ran out of gas.”

Me: “You do know about that little gauge on the dashboard that alerts you to this.”

My Sports Guy: “It was raining, so I took the car to get a sandwich. Stopped raining. I guess I forgot that I drove there, and apparently I walked back. Later I thought that the car was stolen. Luckily, I remembered before I called the police. It was in front of the sandwich place with blinking lights on, but didn’t get towed.”

Me: “Maybe aliens abducted you, put you in a time warp and erased your memory.”

Seriously, a few more seasons of sports crammed into the overflowing file cabinets in his brain and he’ll be calling me to say he forgot to put his pants on.

And I’ll say, “Again?”

So, now that I have painted the picture of My Obsessed Sports Guy – here is the rest of the story:

Playoffs. Cubs win Game One. YEA!

Game Two (being played in Washington.)

I am texting with my good friend who tells me that her daughter and young grandson have tickets to go see the Nationals play the Cubs that night – and her grandson is SO excited.

Now, we know them, and he is a super kid, plays in Little League and is a big baseball fan.

So, I jokingly tell her that I am OK with the Nationals winning Game Two for her grandson, because he’ll be there – but only this ONE game – hahaha.

Afterwards, I lightheartedly related this “friendly exchange” to My Avid Sports Guy.

WHOOPS. What was I thinking.

He looked me as if I was the Devil, Steve Bartman and the Goat all rolled into one evil person.

My Guy: “I can’t BELIEVE that you would say that.

Me: (cautiously) “Gee honey, I don’t REALLY think that me SAYING that will actually have any influence on tonight’s game.

My Guy: “Well you didn’t have to tell them that – it’s enough fun for a kid just to GO to a game. The Nationals don’t have to win. That’s crazy.”

Clearly he wasn’t thrilled with my good will gesture.

And, of course as fate would have it, Cubs lose Game Two. After which My Irate Sports Guy gives me THE LOOK that says “You wished for this.”

Now, in his rational mind he must know that this concept is ludicrous. I simply do not posses the POWER to control the universe.

However, I do understand that there is a small fraction of his SPORTS MIND that could believe that I have some kind of serious MOJO that may have influenced the horrible game outcome.

Fast forward to Game Four – Cubs lose again. I am cringing as My Guy turns to me with squinting intense eyes and says, “So, do you WISH for them to LOSE GAME FIVE!?! Like you did GAME TWO!?!

As Harry would say, “Holy Cow.” Now I know what the innocent Witches of Salem must have felt like.

Go Cubs. Please win Game Five, or I’ll never hear the end of it.


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