Here is tonight’s challenge:…
“Create a new holiday, or holidays, that you believe should exist.”
I have decided that, instead of all the normal holidays that are set in indelible ink on your calendar in a very oppressive way (and that make divorced parents feel like children on a playground with only one unbroken swing) holidays should be specific and individual. We can have the same ones if we want them. No pressure if we don’t. But they should magically appear on the calendar when we’re ready.
So that moment when you first realize that you want to kiss the guy you thought was just your friend…or when you and your spouse connect again after a really difficult year…or that day when you’re walking down the street with no make-up and your hair all pulled up on your head and your yoga pants and you’re kinda sweaty but somehow, inexplicably, three different guys give you an approving nod and you feel like a goddess? That’s Valentine’s Day. YOUR Valentine’s Day.
Ten days after your husband leaves you for the miniskirt and the frosted eyeliner? That should NOT be Valentine’s Day. At all. I don’t care what the calendar says.
Thanksgiving should fall on a day when you feel gratitude. Like someone finally gives you a job right after you contacted the bankruptcy attorney for a consultation. Or when the labs you were worried about come back clean. THAT’s the day people need to be having a celebratory dinner with turkey and wine. They oughta just show up on your doorstep with that shit and you can be all, “OH! I KNEW you were coming! THANK YOU, UNIVERSE!” (Your house would be magically clean, by the way. And you’d miraculously have matching dishes and more than four chairs).
And that moment when your daughter accidentally comes home without the floppy, worn, somewhat stinky stuffed animal she’s been sleeping with since she was three and is inconsolable until you MacGyver her a surrogate out of a stuffed rabbit, a sofa pillow, a T-shirt, and three rubber bands that she likes so well that she laughs and tells you she may just sleep with this new contraption every night instead of the smelly bear…well, that’s Mother’s Day, of course. That’s when an a corsage suddenly magically shows up on your chest and children scurry over with handmade gifts.
Fireworks should suddenly go off every time you free yourself from something oppressive – your own personal Independence Day.
I also think there should be a holiday called “Holy Crap, We All Thought You Were Going To Jump Off A Bridge After The Year You Just Had But You’re Still Here AND You Seem To Have Brushed Your Hair!!”
Oh…wait…we have that. That’s New Years. There again, that holiday should come at a time when things are truly turning around – not some set date based on moons and tides or whatever the hell. We should get our own personal new year.
I suppose you could argue that the holidays should remind us of those things and give us an opportunity – to express our gratitude or our love or our faith. I suppose I could counter-argue that if you are fully engaged and living in the moment, you won’t need a calendar to tell you. And maybe we’re cheating and being lazy by putting it on a calendar and acknowledging it once a year. Maybe doing that allows us to check out.
I dunno. That’s just literally the first thing that popped into my head when I saw this assignment.
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