Be careful what you ask for

Last week, I received some feedback for how I answered a request a person had made, and it stung. Not just a little, but a lot. I wanted to defend myself in the moment, but I had asked for it. I actually tell people that I want and really desire honest feedback so that I can grow as a person. I want it told to me kindly, which this person did, but then why was I almost in tears on my way home over it? Being hard on myself when I mess up is a weakness of mine.

“Once we know our own weaknesses, they cease to do us harm”, according to Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, but is that true? I am hard on myself, and I am an extremely sensitive person. I cry at the slightest criticism, so why do I want honest feedback? Am I hoping only for positive comments? I live in a world that often expects perfection, and I am no different with myself. I don’t want to be wrong, but it is okay if I sometimes am? Can I believe that the world does not end when I make a mistake or someone disagrees with me? Can I know that everyone doesn’t hate me when I make a mistake? Can I accept that everyone isn’t going to like me as well? Can I not cry over everything?

screen-shot-2017-03-03-at-8-58-51-pmWhat can I learn from honest feedback? I know that I am a caring and competent person that sometimes says and does the wrong thing. Can I forgive myself and even thank the people who call me out on my mistakes? I am trying to change and grow into a person who doesn’t dissolve into a puddle of tears when someone points out my errors, but it is hard. Sometimes I am wrong, but I can only try and do my best. Can my response show others and myself who I am and who I aim to be? If not, I should be careful what I ask for.

All through my day, no matter where I go, or what I do, I am always looking for the good. I try to find the good in people, in the world, in my life or even just in my day.

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