At church tonight, a man had a heart attack. Even though I did not know the man, witnessing him receive CPR and then the arrival of the medics and paramedics as we, the congregation, prayed for this man and his family was very emotional. This made me think about the losses in my life, the big ones and the small ones.
That job I wanted, but didn’t get; that relationship I expected to last forever but that didn’t; that victory I desired but didn’t receive. There were many outcomes that I wanted in life that I did not see fulfilled. We all experience loss of some sort in our lives, but is there any good to be found in losing?
What if you get that job so you stop reaching for your real passion and joy? What if that relationship continued so you didn’t see or meet the person that you could truly be happy with? What if your loss may be the answer to a prayer for someone else? Life after loss is confusing and difficult to understand.
I could say now that I am grateful that many of those desires were not fulfilled, but there is nothing good from losing someone you love. Can anything good come from the loss of a loved one? I know first hand after the death of my father in 2000, that nothing feels right in life after loss. I remember thinking that I would never feel happy again; life would never feel normal. I found myself re-evaluating my life and the choices that I was making.
I reflected on what my new normal might be, but more importantly I wondered what I wanted my life to be like. Even before the incident at church tonight, I have been thinking about life. I said to someone yesterday that on my deathbed, I would never wish that I worked more, but what would I wish for more of? I want more time with my family. I desire more time to write. I hope for more time traveling and for walking in nature. Life is really lived in the little things.
All through my day, no matter where I go, or what I do, I am always looking for the good. I try to find the good in people, in the world, in my life or even just in my day.
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