50 Thoughts: What's Next

I’m here at the 40s finish line awaiting my a-ha moment.

Waiting, waiting, waiting ….

If I could hope for “what’s next” as some of life’s larger priority’s creep closer to the rear view mirror, it would be for me to let go of that always present sense of waiting. I’ve danced around the topic of anxiety. It should come as no surprise to anyone who’s lost people suddenly, or parented — in particular a kid with challenges — that waiting for the other shoe to drop is a perpetual state.

  • Every time the phone rings, you wonder “What happened?” before “Who is it?”
  • A quiet afternoon is the devil’s playground when your mind just will not stop the mental gymnastics that is taking innocuous situations and spinning them into life-or-death scenarios.
  • Harmless but cryptic texts can bring on a panic attack.
  • When life is good, you can’t help but wonder for how long.

The primary reason I committed to write for 50 days was to prove I had time in a hectic schedule to commit to it. It wasn’t to find myself or banish anxiety from the two-story condo it has leased between my ears. My worries and how I move through them are as much a part of me as my sense of humor or fast draw on pop culture trivia.

But what I did discover was that I have a healthier appreciation for gratitude than I once thought. And that in my heart, I know even when things don’t happen for a reason, there’s almost always a way to justify one. There’s meaning to everything, from what you love to do to who you choose to love. There is opportunity in every moment and in every relationship. And with that in mind, I’m hopeful that when anxiety becomes so much so that it’s paralyzing, I can dig deep and make better choices about which thoughts I embrace and which ones I choose to ignore.

This is what’s next for me — more books, more walks with Gus, a whole lot of time with friends and family, and the choice to embrace gratitude for what I have in this life. I am truly excited for the next chapter.

Go grab a book, y’all. It’s time to read.

Day 1: 50 Days, 50 Thoughts, 50 Books. Book recommendation: The Bitch is Back

Day 2: There Aren’t Any Do-Overs, Are There? Book Recommendation: A Place for Us

Day 3: Is Pop Culture Circling the Drain? Book recommendation: Live from New York

Day 4: Perimenopause in the Age of Trump Book Recommendation: Where’d You Go, Bernadette

Day 5: Take A Knee at the Altar of Common Sense Book Recommendation: How Not to Be a Dick

Day 6: Perspective is the Gift That Keeps on Giving Book Recommendation: A Fine Balance

Day 7: The Accidental Editor Book Recommendation: Theft by Finding: Diaries (1977 – 2002)

Day 8: The First Last of the Firsts Book Recommendation: The Little Book of Hygge

Day 9: All Kinds of Tired Book Recommendation: Believer

Day 10: Overthinking is Anxiety’s Bitchy Best Friend Book Recommendation: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

Day 11: Where Would You go with a Wayback Machine? Book Recommendation: A Little Life

Day 12: Fall in my Favorite Chicago

Day 13: On Having It All Book Recommendation: Lean In

Day 14: Where Were You When … Book Recommendation: The Nix

Day 15: 5 Things to Purge Before you Turn 50 Book Recommendation: The Art of Tidying Up

Day 16: A Labor Day Salute to Bad Bosses Everywhere Book Recommendation: Steve Jobs

Day 17: Do You Validate?  Book Recommendation: Less 

Day 18: Identity Crisis Code Purple Book Recommendation: Amp’d

Day 19: Character Really Does Count Book Recommendation: Believer

Day 20: Death Before Public Speaking Book Recommendation: The Gifts of Imperfection

Day 21: 15 Things You Should Do Before You Turn 50 Book Recommendation: Drop Dead Healthy

Day 22: Calling BS on “Sticks and Stones” Book Recommendation: Love Warrior

Day 23: My Feet Are My Favorite Part of Me Book Recommendation: Born to Run

Day 24: Self-Help Books Aren’t Half Bad  Book Recommendation: The Book of Joy

Day 25: Going for Gratitude Book Recommendation: The Gratitude Diaries

Day 26: Past Self Meets Future Self Book Recommendation: A Wrinkle in Time

Day 27: The Book is Always Better Book Recommendation: Big Little Lies

Day 28: Three Cheers for Volunteers Book Recommendation: A Secret Gift

Day 29: The Social Network Book Recommendation: The Circle

Day 30: 50 People Who Can Text Me Before Trump Does Book Recommendation: Purity 

Day 31: I’ll Take My Joy Where I Can Find It Book Recommendation: The Book of Joy

Day 32: Humor is My Sixth Sense Book Recommendation: Sick in the Head

Day 33: Anger Comes Second Book Recommendation: The Leftovers

Day 34: Hypocrisy, Much? Book Recommendation: The Favorite Sister

Day 35: Girl Power Book Recommendation:Girls

Day 36: The Kids are All Right Book Recommendation: Ohio

Day 37: Banned Books Week Book Recommendation: the Banned Books list

Day 38: An Open Letter to Congress Book Recommendation: The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Day 39: The Importance of Guilty Pleasures Book Recommendation: The Actress

Day 40: On Stories Never Told Book Recommendation: After Visiting Friends

Day 41: Thank You, Judge Kavanaugh Book Recommendation: Missoula

Day 42: With a Little Help from My Friends Book Recommendation: Bad Feminist

Day 43: Life Doesn’t Flash ... Book Recommendation: Shotgun Lovesongs

Day 44: Crazy Love Book Recommendation: To Be Sung Underwater

Day 45: Simplify, Simplify, Save It Book Recommendation: The Immortalists

Day 46: Ready (or not) for 50 Book Recommendation: The Snow Child

Day 47: The Best Part So Far Book Recommendation: The Light Between Oceans

Day 48: Let It Go Book Recommendation: Life After Life

Day 49: The Books That Stuck Around

I blather about books. If you’d like my reviews to hit your in-box, you can sign up here. I also promise a spam-free experience —too busy reading to write and email you every day (hahaha except for right now, but we’re getting closer to the end). I am also on Facebook, trolling for friends. Because we all need more friends. More, more, more.

Filed under: Mama Drama

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