I’m here at the 40s finish line awaiting my a-ha moment.
Waiting, waiting, waiting ….
If I could hope for “what’s next” as some of life’s larger priority’s creep closer to the rear view mirror, it would be for me to let go of that always present sense of waiting. I’ve danced around the topic of anxiety. It should come as no surprise to anyone who’s lost people suddenly, or parented — in particular a kid with challenges — that waiting for the other shoe to drop is a perpetual state.
- Every time the phone rings, you wonder “What happened?” before “Who is it?”
- A quiet afternoon is the devil’s playground when your mind just will not stop the mental gymnastics that is taking innocuous situations and spinning them into life-or-death scenarios.
- Harmless but cryptic texts can bring on a panic attack.
- When life is good, you can’t help but wonder for how long.
The primary reason I committed to write for 50 days was to prove I had time in a hectic schedule to commit to it. It wasn’t to find myself or banish anxiety from the two-story condo it has leased between my ears. My worries and how I move through them are as much a part of me as my sense of humor or fast draw on pop culture trivia.
But what I did discover was that I have a healthier appreciation for gratitude than I once thought. And that in my heart, I know even when things don’t happen for a reason, there’s almost always a way to justify one. There’s meaning to everything, from what you love to do to who you choose to love. There is opportunity in every moment and in every relationship. And with that in mind, I’m hopeful that when anxiety becomes so much so that it’s paralyzing, I can dig deep and make better choices about which thoughts I embrace and which ones I choose to ignore.
This is what’s next for me — more books, more walks with Gus, a whole lot of time with friends and family, and the choice to embrace gratitude for what I have in this life. I am truly excited for the next chapter.
Go grab a book, y’all. It’s time to read.
Day 1: 50 Days, 50 Thoughts, 50 Books. Book recommendation: The Bitch is Back
Day 2: There Aren’t Any Do-Overs, Are There? Book Recommendation: A Place for Us
Day 3: Is Pop Culture Circling the Drain? Book recommendation: Live from New York
Day 4: Perimenopause in the Age of Trump Book Recommendation: Where’d You Go, Bernadette
Day 5: Take A Knee at the Altar of Common Sense Book Recommendation: How Not to Be a Dick
Day 6: Perspective is the Gift That Keeps on Giving Book Recommendation: A Fine Balance
Day 7: The Accidental Editor Book Recommendation: Theft by Finding: Diaries (1977 – 2002)
Day 8: The First Last of the Firsts Book Recommendation: The Little Book of Hygge
Day 9: All Kinds of Tired Book Recommendation: Believer
Day 10: Overthinking is Anxiety’s Bitchy Best Friend Book Recommendation: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened
Day 11: Where Would You go with a Wayback Machine? Book Recommendation: A Little Life
Day 12: Fall in my Favorite Chicago
Day 13: On Having It All Book Recommendation: Lean In
Day 14: Where Were You When … Book Recommendation: The Nix
Day 15: 5 Things to Purge Before you Turn 50 Book Recommendation: The Art of Tidying Up
Day 16: A Labor Day Salute to Bad Bosses Everywhere Book Recommendation: Steve Jobs
Day 17: Do You Validate? Book Recommendation: Less
Day 18: Identity Crisis Code Purple Book Recommendation: Amp’d
Day 19: Character Really Does Count Book Recommendation: Believer
Day 20: Death Before Public Speaking Book Recommendation: The Gifts of Imperfection
Day 21: 15 Things You Should Do Before You Turn 50 Book Recommendation: Drop Dead Healthy
Day 22: Calling BS on “Sticks and Stones” Book Recommendation: Love Warrior
Day 23: My Feet Are My Favorite Part of Me Book Recommendation: Born to Run
Day 24: Self-Help Books Aren’t Half Bad Book Recommendation: The Book of Joy
Day 25: Going for Gratitude Book Recommendation: The Gratitude Diaries
Day 26: Past Self Meets Future Self Book Recommendation: A Wrinkle in Time
Day 27: The Book is Always Better Book Recommendation: Big Little Lies
Day 28: Three Cheers for Volunteers Book Recommendation: A Secret Gift
Day 29: The Social Network Book Recommendation: The Circle
Day 30: 50 People Who Can Text Me Before Trump Does Book Recommendation: Purity
Day 31: I’ll Take My Joy Where I Can Find It Book Recommendation: The Book of Joy
Day 32: Humor is My Sixth Sense Book Recommendation: Sick in the Head
Day 33: Anger Comes Second Book Recommendation: The Leftovers
Day 34: Hypocrisy, Much? Book Recommendation: The Favorite Sister
Day 35: Girl Power Book Recommendation:Girls
Day 36: The Kids are All Right Book Recommendation: Ohio
Day 37: Banned Books Week Book Recommendation: the Banned Books list
Day 38: An Open Letter to Congress Book Recommendation: The Ocean at the End of the Lane
Day 39: The Importance of Guilty Pleasures Book Recommendation: The Actress
Day 40: On Stories Never Told Book Recommendation: After Visiting Friends
Day 41: Thank You, Judge Kavanaugh Book Recommendation: Missoula
Day 42: With a Little Help from My Friends Book Recommendation: Bad Feminist
Day 43: Life Doesn’t Flash ... Book Recommendation: Shotgun Lovesongs
Day 44: Crazy Love Book Recommendation: To Be Sung Underwater
Day 45: Simplify, Simplify, Save It Book Recommendation: The Immortalists
Day 46: Ready (or not) for 50 Book Recommendation: The Snow Child
Day 47: The Best Part So Far Book Recommendation: The Light Between Oceans
Day 48: Let It Go Book Recommendation: Life After Life
Day 49: The Books That Stuck Around
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