50 Thoughts: Thank you, Judge Kavanaugh

Thank you, Judge Kavanaugh.

I needed a reminder that as a woman, my recollection of past events is suspect, but a man’s memory is never to be questioned.

That as a woman, if I drink at a party, that immediately disqualifies any statement I may make about that party, but … men like beer.

That as a woman, if I show a temper, I’m a bitch. But if a man shows a temper, you a force to be reckoned with.

That as a woman, a high office is a privilege for which personal privacy must be sacrificed. But as a white man, a Supreme Court seat is a right for which you should not have to be vetted thoroughly.

That as a woman sharing a story of assault, it’s done at the risk of embarrassment, at a minimum, and death threats on the other end of the spectrum. But for a man to be asked to answer to an accusation, it is an outrage.

That as a woman, I need to wait my turn to talk, whereas a man can interrupt.

How dare they pick on you. Don’t they know who you are?

Also? You can shut the fuck up.

I am so angry at today’s events — a woman coming forward at great personal peril to share her story of sexual assault at a man’s hands, and it’s treated as a window dressing of a hearing by majority committee members insistent upon placing a conservative justice on the Supreme Court. I am disgusted that this government, MY government, does not value my gender above politics. Sen. Lindsay Graham? I hope the women of your state rise up and kick your sorry ass right out of D.C. Horrifying, that was.

I am so angry that I can’t look my daughter in the face and say with certainty that she has a better shot at gender equality than my generation had. That I am turning 50 and I feel like the clock is turning backward on my rights and privileges. That everything our culture has been doing for the last 25 years when it comes to teaching men the NO MEANS NO has been thrown out the window.

As I wrote earlier, anger is almost always a secondary emotion. So I ask myself, why I am so mad?

I think it’s a combination of being hurt. Being dismissed. Whatever the opposite of validation is. Oh yeah. INVALIDATED. As if because I am not a man, I don’t count quite as much.

There’s also being afraid. Afraid for my daughter when she goes off to school next fall. Afraid that the worst boys will think it’s OK to get her sloppy drunk and then call her a tramp. Because of this jackhole we are about to put on the Bench. Because of that jackhole in the White House.

So, what can I do? What can we do? VOTE. Vote these small-minded excuses for men out of office. There are better men, and women, out there making a difference. Show them how strong we are, and roar with the thunder of millions of voices saying together, we DO matter.

What else can we do? Teach our children that voting matters. Teach our daughters their body is their providence. Teach our sons respect. Teach them all that opportunity is equal, and that they can and will do whatever they set their heart to do, with hard work and resilience fueling their adventures.

This was a bad day, Tomorrow might be even worse. But women, let’s keep the faith we can do better.

Day 1: 50 Days, 50 Thoughts, 50 Books. Book recommendation: The Bitch is Back

Day 2: There Aren’t Any Do-Overs, Are There? Book Recommendation: A Place for Us

Day 3: Is Pop Culture Circling the Drain? Book recommendation: Live from New York

Day 4: Perimenopause in the Age of Trump Book Recommendation: Where’d You Go, Bernadette

Day 5: Take A Knee at the Altar of Common Sense Book Recommendation: How Not to Be a Dick

Day 6: Perspective is the Gift That Keeps on Giving Book Recommendation: A Fine Balance

Day 7: The Accidental Editor Book Recommendation: Theft by Finding: Diaries (1977 – 2002)

Day 8: The First Last of the Firsts Book Recommendation: The Little Book of Hygge

Day 9: All Kinds of Tired Book Recommendation: Believer

Day 10: Overthinking is Anxiety’s Bitchy Best Friend Book Recommendation: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

Day 11: Where Would You go with a Wayback Machine? Book Recommendation: A Little Life

Day 12: Fall in my Favorite Chicago

Day 13: On Having It All Book Recommendation: Lean In

Day 14: Where Were You When … Book Recommendation: The Nix

Day 15: 5 Things to Purge Before you Turn 50 Book Recommendation: The Art of Tidying Up

Day 16: A Labor Day Salute to Bad Bosses Everywhere Book Recommendation: Steve Jobs

Day 17: Do You Validate?  Book Recommendation: Less 

Day 18: Identity Crisis Code Purple Book Recommendation: Amp’d

Day 19: Character Really Does Count Book Recommendation: Believer

Day 20: Death Before Public Speaking Book Recommendation: The Gifts of Imperfection

Day 21: 15 Things You Should Do Before You Turn 50 Book Recommendation: Drop Dead Healthy

Day 22: Calling BS on “Sticks and Stones” Book Recommendation: Love Warrior

Day 23: My Feet Are My Favorite Part of Me Book Recommendation: Born to Run

Day 24: Self-Help Books Aren’t Half Bad  Book Recommendation: The Book of Joy

Day 25: Going for Gratitude Book Recommendation: The Gratitude Diaries

Day 26: Past Self Meets Future Self Book Recommendation: A Wrinkle in Time

Day 27: The Book is Always Better Book Recommendation: Big Little Lies

Day 28: Three Cheers for Volunteers Book Recommendation: A Secret Gift

Day 29: The Social Network Book Recommendation: The Circle

Day 30: 50 People Who Can Text Me Before Trump Does Book Recommendation: Purity 

Day 31: I’ll Take My Joy Where I Can Find It Book Recommendation: The Book of Joy

Day 32: Humor is My Sixth Sense Book Recommendation: Sick in the Head

Day 33: Anger Comes Second Book Recommendation: The Leftovers

Day 34: Hypocrisy, Much? Book Recommendation: The Favorite Sister

Day 35: Girl Power Book Recommendation:Girls

Day 36: The Kids are All Right Book Recommendation: Ohio

Day 37: Banned Books Week Book Recommendation: the Banned Books list

Day 38: An Open Letter to Congress Book Recommendation: The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Day 39: The Importance of Guilty Pleasures Book Recommendation: The Actress

Day 40: On Stories Never Told Book Recommendation: After Visiting Friends

Today’s recommendation: Missoula. This. This is the bullshit we are still trying to overcome. Fuel that hate fire, ladies.

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