50 Thoughts: 50 People I'd Rather Get a Text Message From than Trump

I really don’t want Donald delivered direct to my phone.

For those that have missed the news, FEMA is looking to deploy a system that will allow the President of the United States to text nearly everyone with a cell phone. The first test is planned for this upcoming Thursday. The notion that anyone could wield that kind of power is a bit unnerving, despite the understandable benefits that kind of emergency telecommunication could deliver.

But lordy, why him? Why now? I shudder to think of how often our Chief Tweeter will want to yak about FAKE NEWS! and NO COLLUSION! and #MAGA!!!! rather than, let’s say, a natural disaster like a hurricane or a gas and power problem like the one that resulted in spontaneous explosions last week in Lawrence, Massachusetts.

In fact, there are at least 50 people I’d rather get a text from than Trump:

  1. My kids
  2. My husband
  3. My mom
  4. My dad
  5. An ex-boss
  6. My current boss
  7. The bank
  8. Bed, Bath and Beyond
  9. Susan Sarandon
  10. HQ
  11. An old roommate still looking for that sweatshirt you wore to the football game 25 years ago
  12. Mad Dog the Bounty Hunter
  13. Those IRS scammers telling me the US government is filing a lawsuit against me
  14. The real IRS
  15. Dollar General
  16. An ex-boyfriend looking to reconnect
  17. Joel Osteen
  18. Jeb Bush
  19. Howard Dean
  20. Charlie Sheen
  21. Kevin Trudeau
  22. The Green Bay Packers Fan Club
  23. Fandango
  24. A bill collector
  25. That one-off sheriff’s association that promises you a bumper sticker if you donate
  26. Andy Dick
  27. Farmville
  28. Amazon with an order delay
  29. My daughter’s high school
  30. My sons’ college counselors
  31. My sons’ college fundraising departments
  32. Any college fundraising department
  33. Twitter
  34. James Woods
  35. My doctor
  36. My dentist
  37. The Senate Judiciary Committee
  38. Tom Perez
  39. Tom Arnold
  40. The Gap
  41. Old Navy
  42. Justin Bieber
  43. Snapchat
  44. Tucker Carlson
  45. The Sierra Club
  46. Fruit of the Month Club
  47. Omarosa
  48. Someone trying to sell me windows or clean my chimney
  49. Jury duty
  50. The one friend that always needs $50

Seriously, though, is there an opt out? Or maybe a generic FEMA bot instead of the president? Maybe I’ll just turn my phone off for a few hours?

Here’s to those days when you could avoid people by just turning out the lights and locking the door.

Day 1: 50 Days, 50 Thoughts, 50 Books. Book recommendation: The Bitch is Back

Day 2: There Aren’t Any Do-Overs, Are There? Book Recommendation: A Place for Us

Day 3: Is Pop Culture Circling the Drain? Book recommendation: Live from New York

Day 4: Perimenopause in the Age of Trump Book Recommendation: Where’d You Go, Bernadette

Day 5: Take A Knee at the Altar of Common Sense Book Recommendation: How Not to Be a Dick

Day 6: Perspective is the Gift That Keeps on Giving Book Recommendation: A Fine Balance

Day 7: The Accidental Editor Book Recommendation: Theft by Finding: Diaries (1977 – 2002)

Day 8: The First Last of the Firsts Book Recommendation: The Little Book of Hygge

Day 9: All Kinds of Tired Book Recommendation: Believer

Day 10: Overthinking is Anxiety’s Bitchy Best Friend Book Recommendation: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

Day 11: Where Would You go with a Wayback Machine? Book Recommendation: A Little Life

Day 12: Fall in my Favorite Chicago

Day 13: On Having It All Book Recommendation: Lean In

Day 14: Where Were You When … Book Recommendation: The Nix

Day 15: 5 Things to Purge Before you Turn 50 Book Recommendation: The Art of Tidying Up

Day 16: A Labor Day Salute to Bad Bosses Everywhere Book Recommendation: Steve Jobs

Day 17: Do You Validate?  Book Recommendation: Less 

Day 18: Identity Crisis Code Purple Book Recommendation: Amp’d

Day 19: Character Really Does Count Book Recommendation: Believer

Day 20: Death Before Public Speaking Book Recommendation: The Gifts of Imperfection

Day 21: 15 Things You Should Do Before You Turn 50 Book Recommendation: Drop Dead Healthy

Day 22: Calling BS on “Sticks and Stones” Book Recommendation: Love Warrior

Day 23: My Feet Are My Favorite Part of Me Book Recommendation: Born to Run

Day 24: Self-Help Books Aren’t Half Bad  Book Recommendation: The Book of Joy

Day 25: Going for Gratitude Book Recommendation: The Gratitude Diaries

Day 26: Past Self Meets Future Self Book Recommendation: A Wrinkle in Time

Day 27: The Book is Always Better Book Recommendation: Big Little Lies

Day 28: Three Cheers for Volunteers Book Recommendation: A Secret Gift

Day 29: The Social Network Book Recommendation: The Circle

Today’s recommendation: Purity by Jonathan Franzen, The Sunlight Project, yeah, I forgot about that … not quite related, by relatable …

I blather about books. If you’d like my reviews to hit your in-box, you can sign up here. I also promise a spam-free experience —too busy reading to write and email you every day (hahaha except for right now, but we’re getting closer to the end). I am also on Facebook, trolling for friends. Because we all need more friends. More, more, more.

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