My family and I recently took a spring break trip to Cabo San Lucas Mexico. Yeah, yeah, I know… I am one lucky bi-atch. Step off sister, I deserve it – it’s been a rough year. Back to Cabo – it was wonderful. By wonderful I mean swaying palm trees, drinks by the pool, sunny 82 degree temps, and no cooking for a solid week kind of wonderful. Again, I am keenly aware of how fortunate I am. #gratitude
However, one thing I wasn’t expecting was how enamored I was with the Simplehuman 8” wall-mounted magnifying mirror located in the master bathroom of the condo we rented. Mamacita, it was incredible!
Now, anyone who knows me knows I am not a vain person. I am on autopilot most days when it comes to my beauty/fashion routine. Fashion routine – HA! I just made myself laugh. I don’t look in the mirror much, don’t do the selfie thing, don’t obsess about my “look.” However, this mirror was badass.
First, you walk by the mirror and it knows you are there by automatically lighting up. I was like a moth to a flame. The light emits an ethereal glow. You can’t look away from it – it calls to you like a siren’s song. Once the mirror has you in its grasp you can’t look away.
When I looked in the mirror I wasn’t exactly sure what I was seeing. Holy hell… do I really look like this? I saw all my nose hairs, sun damage, big-ass pores, scars, zits, broken capillaries, fine lines and wrinkles, two really long-ass eyebrow hairs, my uvula (look it up), and a shadow of what I think is the making of a mustache. I also discovered my nostrils are t-shaped and one of my eyes is lower than the other. The eye placement thing might explain why I have depth perception issues. I saw a whole mess of things I didn’t know were on my face.
I am making myself out to look like Sloth from the movie The Goonies. However, I hadn’t really examined myself to that degree before. Honestly, if the ceilings in the bathroom were higher I would have climbed on the bathroom counter and examined more of myself. I could have stayed in that bathroom for hours just looking at the magnified version of Stacey.
Friends have told me to never look in a magnifying mirror because “magnifying mirrors are made by the same men that invented pantyhose.” (Both statements are untrue BTW). I don’t feel upset after looking at the magnified version of myself. I feel like my face reflects the last 42 years of my life – the good, the bad, and the hairy. Every fine line, wrinkle, and scar has a story behind it, and that’s what makes me, me!
I am not suggesting everyone run out and get a $200 Simplehuman mirror. However, if you get a chance to look in a magnifying mirror, don’t be afraid of what you see. Know what you see looking back makes up but one element of who you are. It isn’t the whole picture. That’s what I was telling myself as I examined the two freakishly long eyebrow hairs on my face. They do not define me as some sort of mutant Sasquatch that roams the western suburbs of Chicago. Well… maybe they do.
And if Simplehuman would like to send me a free magical magnifying mirror I would gladly accept it, but I do not think I would ever leave my bathroom again.
This was written while I enjoy the splendors of the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop at the beautiful University of Dayton.
Some Other Fun Blog Posts To Check Out:
Realistic Valentine’s Day Sentiments
An Open Letter To Tableside Entertainers
An Open Letter To The Hormones Raging in My Pre-Teen Daughter
An Open Letter To The Person Standing Behind Me In An Exercise Class
Can’t get enough? Here are a couple of my pieces that were published:
Daily Itinerary: Joel Ostend’s Hairdresser, Creating Christ-like Coif Perfection, The Belladonna Comedy
Seven Words I Would Have Children S-P-E-L-L If I Were Running The National Spelling Bee, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency