Book Dedications: This Is What I Might Say If I Actually Wrote A Book

book-1738609_640I started to think about book dedications. You know, the obligatory “thank you” before the table of contents where authors gush about people that helped them on their path to becoming published. Most authors thank a spouse or significant other, their children, friends, parents, or God.

Now, I have no plans to write a book. I do not think I have the attention span, nor a plethora of knowledge or content to share with the world. However, just in case I become a subject matter expert in a particular field, I wouldn’t mind having a dedication page in my back pocket.

Here are a few book dedications I came up with:

To my husband, who married me despite my parents.

I want to thank everyone who helped pave the way for me to write this book, except for you Jon O’Connell. You were an asshole to me in middle school. F-you douchebag!

Hey Sam! You still owe me 50 bucks.
Bitch better have my money.  Pay up instead of reading this crappy book.
Miss you!

To the spray-tanned, arrogant, narcissistic, bigoted, egotistical, Islamaphobic, smug, despicable, homophobic, spoiled, misogynistic, self-absorbed, pompous, sexual assaulting, Brillo Pad-headed people running in the 2016 presidential election – this book is probably not for you.

To Zach Efron
I enjoy looking at you, but I am committed to my marriage.
Let’s just stay BFFs.
Call me.

To the lady who picks up my newspapers at the bottom of my driveway and throws them onto my porch. I do notice. Thanks much!

To Chris:
You are from Wisconsin. Stop saying “y’all” in a sentence. It’s annoying.

To Beyoncé… just because.

To those of you reading this dedication –
I have never written a book before. It is likely to be really shitty. Good luck!

What would you write on your book’s dedication page?

Some Other Fun Posts To Check Out:
When Your Friend’s Better Half Isn’t So Great
Go Ahead Yahoo, Enjoy My Incoming Emails
Birthday Party Ideas For Myself, ummmm, I Mean My Kids

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