Everyone is in a conventional fantasy football league. This is a chance to start something similar, yet different. Here is how to run your own NFL true crime fantasy league where you score points by the legal improprieties of NFL players.
Before I set it up I’d like to note that this league is an attempt to raise awareness of domestic violence, and other crimes in the NFL, and to ridicule the old-violent-boys club culture in the NFL and during the Goodell administration.
1. You and your friends’ teams will comprise all of the NFL Teams; you don’t pick individual players, you pick their entire team instead. There are 32 NFL teams, so if 4 people are in the league you each take 8 teams.
2. You don’t have to set a roster or start any teams, you just pick and sit back and watch the headlines. Trades are allowed when approved by the commissioner. The season begins with the first game of the NFL season and ends when their team’s season ends up through the night of the Super Bowl. Or whenever you want, just agree on the dates.
3. Point values are:
-1 point- Reports of involvement in a fight or some other violent activity (credibility of publication up to commissioner). Example: a cell phone video emerges of a player in a shoving match at a bar.
-5 points– Any interaction with police for involvement with any drug (including alcohol) and/or guns. Even if player is found to have a registered gun and is not in any legal trouble, or if a friend had drugs on him but not the player.
-7 points- Arrested for any drug (including alcohol/drunkenness), violence or guns. DWI/DUI’s count.
- +1 point if player suspended or deactivated for that reason
- +1 point per game they are suspended or deactivated
- +1 point total (i.e. not per game) if the drug is not alcohol, marijuana or a performance enhancing drug (molly/ecstasy gets you a point)
- +1 point total for drug dealing/trafficking
- +1 if more than 5 guns found
- +1 for every AK-47 found
- +2 if more than 10 guns seized
–10 points- Legit domestic violence or creepy crime against a woman reports. Since victims don’t always press charges, I didn’t want to make the legal system the sole basis for which it’s possible to score points. Rather points should be assessed upon the violent act itself. So if there is sufficient reason to believe a player was involved in a domestic dispute or being a creep to a woman, but isn’t reprimanded by the police or the NFL, you get the 10 points. The commissioner will be the judge when necessary.
-14 points- Kicked out of the NFL.
-15 points- Domestic violence arrest or crime against a woman.
-20 points- Found guilty in court for a charge relating to violence, guns or drugs or anything deemed equally unsavory by the commissioner.
- +2 for every felony count conviction
4. Change the rules when necessary.
5. If any of these rules can apply to you throughout the season in real life, you have to subtract that amount from your total because it’d be hypocritical not to.