5 Things I'd Tell Kanye West at his Sorely-Needed Intervention

5 Things I'd Tell Kanye West at his Sorely-Needed Intervention

“I met ye’s music when I was 24 years old and what I loved most he had so much soul…”


1) Maybe it’s time to go back to keeping it real

This would be a great time for you to take your shtick down a notch. Your current egomania was fueled by your early commercial success, which itself was fueled by your creation of popular music. The problem now is that the music you make is no longer popular or nearly as commercially viable, so it would be wise to reduce your ego accordingly if you’d like to preserve your fan base and/or income.

When the chasm between ego and current popularity grows too great, that’s when you start becoming a caricature of yourself and you go the way of Madonna, Ted Cruz and Chris Berman.

You like Andre3000, right? Remember  in Rosa Parks when he rapped, “Baby boy, you’re only funky as your last cut/ you focus on the past your ass will be a has-what”.


Kanye 2004 from Through The Wire:

What if somebody from the Chi’ that was ill got a deal
On the hottest rap label around?
But he wasn’t talking about coke and birds
It was more like spoken word
Except he’s really putting it down?

Kanye 20122:

Coke on her black skin
Made a stripe like a zebra, I call that jungle fever
You will not control the threesome
Just roll the weed up until I get me some
We formed a new religion
No sins as long as there’s permission
And deception is the only felony
So never fuck nobody without telling me

2) Consumers are selfish

We care about your personal journey and your struggle, but only  to a certain extent. The truth is that most art consumers don’t enjoy art they find challenging and that is especially true in the medium of music. They don’t buy a Kanye song thinking, “I can’t wait to hear about his latest frustration!”, they download it because listening to that song will make them happier in one way or another.

College Dropout was a runaway success because it was so real, and that realness in conjunction with clever word-play and great beats, made millions of people happier.

In a hip-hop era plagued by rappers simply bragging about their accumulation of material goods and sexual conquests, you wrote real music that your listeners could actually relate to personally. You knocked off all the saccharine glitz of hip-hop and spoke from the heart about your insecurities and that resonated with a LOT of people.

As a human and someone who has made some art myself, I completely understand wishing to express your frustration whether it’s to a friend, therapist, or in the form of art. But as a consumer of art yourself, I hope you can understand that consumers purchase art based on how it makes them feel to consume said art, not how it makes the artist feel to produce it.

I bet it feels great when you a take a dump, but that doesn’t mean I’d pay $1.99 on iTunes to listen to it.


3) If you’re a genius, why are you so meltdowny?

What good is being a genius if you aren’t happy in your own skin? Who is the genius, the fabulously wealthy musician who hates himself, or the cab driver who is happy in his own, humble skin?


4) …..Or do you call yourself Yeezus because you wife’d a Mary Magdalene?

If you’re gonna go Messianic on us you’re obligated to lead people and inspire hope.

But during the Yeezus tour you just scream your songs  about how angry you are. Then between those angry songs, you go on personal rants about how angry you are, then you angrily stomp of stage and end the concert early. And guess how that makes your fans feel? Angry.

When you lead people to exit your concert before they get their money’s worth, and you inspire them to be pissed off as a result, you need to rethink referring to yourself as Jesus.


5) Frank Ocean came out of the closet and seems like a pretty happy guy

Frank’s coming out was huge news in part because everyone knew what a professional risk he was taking. Here was an emerging artist who had a lot to lose if underestimated America’s ability to look past his sexuality.

While coming out he said he had a beautiful relationship with a closeted male music producer, but Frank respected his paramour’s decision to stay in the closet, so he never outted him.

Now, I don’t know you or Frank personally, but it seems to be like he’s been relatively at ease since his decision, but you’ve grown more miserable since about that time.

Do I know for a fact you’re the closeted producer? No.

Do I think it’s you? Yes.

Do I actually care one way or the other? God no. I don’t know either of you two and it certainly doesn’t affect me.

But if it were you, and you did come out,  no one would like your music any less. It’s not like your fans are all homophobic Texas Republicans, anyway. I think they’d understand.

IF (and I’m not trying to accuse) you are gay and Kim is your beard, it isn’t working very well. You’ve been 5x as angry since the marriage, and she doesn’t even have enough talent to save herself, much less you and your nascent unpopularity career.

My conspiratorial side thinks that you married her partly because you feared that if you were outted your career would be harmed, so announcing your engagement shortly after Frank Ocean came out of the closet seemed like a viable way to preserve your career. Unfortunately, the sad irony is that your charade marriage has done the opposite. It’s made you less happy and it shows in your work, which in turn,  shows in your concert attendance and record sales. The waning adulation, fame and money, only fuels more frustration, thus perpetuating the cycle. Keep this up and you won’t have any career to preserve.

we go through too much bullshit just to mess with these drunk and hot girls


My suggestion?

If you wanted to be part of a super couple and boost your personal and musical profile through the stratosphere- which sounds more consistent with the work of a genius to you?

A) Marrying a woman who got famous because Ray J urinated on her


B) Coming out of the closet and collaborating  with Frank Ocean?

If you came out of the closet, then announced you and Frank Ocean were dating again and you were working on an album and world tour, that would be TRULY revolutionary and messianic both culturally and musically.

Doing so would guarantee people would finally again step over their own mothers for the privilege of seeing you perform live, while joyously screaming their undying love for your art.

Isn’t that what you really want?


Leave a comment
  • I thoroughly enjoyed this!

  • In reply to Kay S:

    Thanks, Kay S!

  • Great post, Kanye and Miss porn star are NOT married just baby mama and papa.
    My prediction also is his anger is directed inward, thus hiding his true self.
    Or maybe more telling an ever advancing mental impairment.

  • In reply to Ninnafaye:

    You are so right, thank you. I knew that I just goofed. Instead of correcting it I'll just acknowledge it here. Thanks again for mentioning that.

  • I don't have time right at this moment to read your blog, but HAD to come to your page and click Like just for the title alone. Great job!

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