Admittedly, there is very good reason to believe Kim Kardashian is pregnant. And I also admit that we once had good reason to believe she was in love and about to marry the man of her dreams.
Since we can’t trust her any farther than we can spit her, let’s look a little deeper into her pregnancy and explore why Kim Kardashian is not pregnant.
1. The Annunciation
Did you like the biblical reference? So Kanye just announced Kim’s pregnancy at a concert. Have you ever heard of an expectant couple where the guy breaks the news first, before the expectant woman, or where they don’t announce it together? And of ALL the people in the history of the world who would want to tell the world HERSELF that she is pregnant- Kim has got to be close to #1. She would’ve wanted rumors for weeks- complete with toying with the paparazzi (like browsing for baby clothes one minute only to be seen buying a case of wine 10 minutes later). In addition to the paparazzi-fueled rumors, Kim would then start a rumor that she announced her pregnancy to a few people on her show- but we, the public won’t know for 2 more months if that’s true. In the meantime every talk show has Kim as a guest begs for her to answer to tell us if she is really pregnant or not. That’s obviously what Kim would’ve wanted.
And doesn’t Kanye announcing it sound fishy? So what could his motive have been to announce it first? Maybe to spite Kim. Maybe he told Kim he needed time to think about having a kid and that was his Kanye-sized crazy-over-the-top-amplified way of saying, ‘Yes baby, I’ll have a kid with you and the process starts next time I see you!”. Or maybe she isn’t pregnant and he said that for some evil reason to force her hand to either say, “My MUCH more famous boyfriend lied to the world about my pregnancy” or, “YES! WE are pregnant and I couldn’t be more thrilled”, knowing she wasn’t.
- Ever seen a pregnant woman’s belly do that? Neither has anyone else.
2. To Keep up With the
My friend Chelsea and I are of the opinion that Beyonce faked her pregnancy and had a surrogate give birth to her child. So I thought Kanye saying, “Kim’s pregnant” might just mean, “Kim and I are officially gonna start faking a pregnancy now.”. And if Beyonce started a fake pregnancy trend, Kim wants desperately to be the first to follow. When I ran this theory by Chelsea, she replied with:
I might alter # 2 to say they did it to keep up/compete with Jay and Bey since KanGay and Kim are like the poor man’s version of J&B. I would also add they both need the free PR – Kanye isn’t really on top anymore and KK has been on the decline since she announced her divorce and people realized they’ve created a media idol from someone famous for being peed on.
Oh and, the fetus will give at least 2 more seasons and a “birthing special” of their family show.
Well stated, Chels.
3. With a Surrogate They Don’t Actually Have to be Intimate
I’ve blogged before about how I don’t think they’re a real couple and it wouldn’t surprise me if they haven’t even consummated their courtship. And I’m not talking about cooking a pot of consomme together.
4. They Both Seem Shallow Enough to Believe it
As a relatively normal person, your skepticism of my theories may go something like this, “I doubt someone would go through all that trouble to fake a relationship and then fake a pregnancy, much less have a kid together regardless of who carries it. That just sounds far-fetched.”.
My answer: These are far-fetched people. Who has ever said Kanye was down to Earth? Kim Kardashian’s mom directed her first sex tape and told her daughter to make another because it wasn’t good enough. Then in the second tape her daughter got peed on. Kim parlayed her urine-vaulted fame into a fake marriage where she lied to the world about being in love in for fame and money. One reason the Kardashians are more famous than you is because you aren’t that thirsty for fame.
At this point, what would you put past them?
5. They can always play the fake miscarriage card to get us to forget about her Kris Humphries fake marriage.
Maybe Kim doesn’t have the baby. Maybe she isn’t pregnant. Maybe before it’s time to strap on the prosthetic belly she tells us she miscarried so now we think of her as “that chick that lost the baby”, and not “the chick who got peed on then fake married”.
Maybe Kanye suggested that all along that a pregnancy- and not necessarily a baby- could bring Kim a lot of fame, and maybe there was a way to preserve Kim’s famous body and not put her body through all of that. AND if she either had a surrogate or just faked a pregnancy, Kanye wouldn’t have to put his body through that either, and by “that” I mean heterosexual sex.
Or maybe Kim disagreed and wanted a real baby so she’d be tied to Kanye’s fame forever, and maybe once Kanye announced it, he knew his plan was in place and it was too late now for Kim to get her way.
Are some of these theories a little out-there? Sure. Are these theories MORE out-there than the Kardashian family? No.