Sometimes a once-clever witticism just runs its course, and due to its ubiquity and overuse it just stops being witty and becomes a lazy excuse for originality. If you don’t believe me, it’s probably because you’re a four year old who tells the same joke over and over, again and is still amused.
If that is, in fact, the case, I understand and forgive you. If you’re not that person, you don’t have an excuse, but I’m here to help (after I insult you a little).
–aholic. Oh right, as in “alcoholic”. At this point is it more clever to say, “she shops a lot” or, “she’s a shopaholic”? Same for workaholic. And chocoholic. Possible exception: If you know someone who always dates alcoholics and you accuse them of being an alchoholicaholic. But if someone you know is attracted to alcoholicaholics, and you call them an alchoholicaholicaholic, that’s just mean.
-gate. It’d be cool if this addition somehow caused a scandal and a reporter had to report on “Lame-oPeopleSay-Gate- Gate”.
-palooza. With two exceptions: both Stoogapalooza, and Lallapoolza are permitted to retain their current paloozahood, and are hereby Grandfathered in. Speaking of Stoogapoolza, we’re big fans of Rich Koz here at Lists That Actually Matter and wish him well, here is where you can wish him well.
–pacalypse. 2Pacalypse Now is Godfathered in, I guess you could say, partially because that album came out 21 years ago, and we wouldn’t accuse such an adroit wordsmith of using that suffix if here alive today. But to still use “-pacalypse” nowadays just is n’t clever; and being pregnant is no excuse for using trite suffixes. I don’t care if Brenda’s Got a Baby, “-pacalypse” is never preceded by Words of Wisdom. Well, I mean, this example is the exception.
However, there are some I think that are under utilized.
-phile, “Dude, you are a serious baseballophile”
-phobe, “Like most kids, she is a vegetablephobe.
-ivore, “that guy is a real ice creamivore.”
And one I’d like to see in the future:
-abra. Just hear me out. Because a candelabra is just a thing you put candles in, logic then dictates that, “-abra” necessarily means, “thing you put inside the word before the ‘-abra'”. So if you’re doing dishes at your friend’s place you could ask where the plateabra or forkabra could be found.
If this ever catches on in Boston and a propperly hammered Southie lad asks the barkeep where he can find the “pisserabra”, I’m moving to Boston and barkeeping.