Marathon season, move over! It’s time to share the spotlight with protest season as our country’s liberals hit the street to prove to the Tea Party that they aren’t the only Americans who like to make signs and chant in unison. From what I’ve pieced together from a few of my friends retweets, the guys in the street protesting are the “99%” and the guys being protested against are the 1%. So, protesters, I figured since you guys are already out there and protesting, you could make a few more demands of our 1%-ers.
5. A Matt Forte Extension: 99%-ers, you guys would love Forte. He’s in a Union, he’s underpaid, and the people who are refusing to give him the money he deserves are in the 1%. And, 99%-ers, if you are also Bears fans, you know damn well how much Forte means to this team. Well, if you take away Jay Cutler’s haircut, he literally is the entire offense. So, 99%-ers, let’s get Matt Forte the extension he deserves!
4. Completion of Road Construction in Chicago: Over the past 3 years, I don’t think I’ve driven past a single road under construction that has made any progress or ever has a single person working on it. I’m convinced the City of Chicago tears up roads, puts construction barriers around it, and then calls it a day simply so they can maintain their ranking as America’s worst traffic city. So, 99%-ers, let’s demand that our roads get fixed so you guys have a new, smooth surface to ride your bikes on!
3. Netflix to roll back their price increases: Are we still mad about that? Or is that so September? I can’t control my Netflix addiction, so if you guys can get those prices back down, it would go a long way.
2. The NBA Lockout: The financial crisis was still going on last year, but we just had Derrick Rose to distract us all from it. So, 99%-ers, tell the owners and players to figure it out, so we can watch D-Rose dominate the NBA again. This allows you guys to yell at billionaires and millionaires.
1. Fire Tom Ricketts: Every day he has been the owner of the Cubs, the Cubs have gotten worse. He’s a billionaire who literally makes money by over-charging regular people for Cubs game. I feel like you guys really dropped the ball by not specifically targeting T-Ricks already. In fact, I’m pissed you guys aren’t outside of Wrigley Field right now. Lock it up, 99%-ers.
Filed under: Occupy Wall Street