Not Jaywalking is for Conformists: 6 Reasons I Love Jaywalking

Not Jaywalking is for Conformists: 6 Reasons I Love Jaywalking

“An unjust law is no law at all.” -Saint Augustine

Our government enforces a myriad of important laws and regulations. It also enforces at least one pointless law- Jaywalking. The following six reasons are why I’m an ardent believer in jaywalking.

1. It’s Efficient

Maybe the store I want to go to is in the middle of the block. It shouldn’t be illegal to NOT backtrack. Guess why I wanna go to that store? So I can buy stuff and subsequently pay taxes on it. And where do my tax dollars go? To building signs about crossing only at intersections and plastering streets with useless crosswalk white blocks. To recap: I jaywalk to line the pockets of my sorry-ass goverment so they can crank out signs to tell me walking efficiently is a crime. Why not just save us the hassle and print signs that say, “We’re Meddlesome Idiots”?

2. It Really Isn’t Very Hazardous

Look right. Look left. If no cars are coming you cross. Since an Orangutan could be trained to do this I think it’s safe to allow me to do it. That begs the question, how unintelligent was the man who felt this worrisome task was too damn complex to let people do it on their own? Maybe HE was a little slow and took his insecurity out on the rest of us and our overly taxed wallets. I’d like to shake his hand. And kick him in the nuts while shaking his hand, preventing him from covering his nuts with that hand, ensuring a direct hit.

3. It’s my Fault if I get hit

I’m a grown man. If I don’t see and hear a 2,000 lb. machine with headlights and a horn coming at me I’ll admit I’m a moron and not sue. Just let me cross the street when I want.

4. Most Pedestrian Accidents Occur on Crosswalks When The Pedestrian has/had the Right of way. Same for Accidents with Bicyclists

That fact was uncovered in this Chicago Tribune article. What I took away from it is, “Drivers are stupider than pedestrians yet pedestrians are still treated as having the intellectual prowess of herd animals.”.

5. We can Spend our tax Dollars More Intelligently

Our state is broke. We don’t need to spend precious tax dollars on signs to herd us like cattle while our city is so broke we lay off public school teachers. The tax dollars we spend on having 19  city workers take 9 hours to spray paint 12 white rectangles comprising a crosswalk should be spent on NOT laying off teachers. To recap: Your tax dollars pay to herd you like cattle while making our kids stupider, so they grow up to be stupider, so we can have fewer tax dollars in our social security.

6. It’s Insulting

I am an adult. I can vote, serve in the military, obtain a pilot’s license, drink alcohol and practice law or medicine. I think it’s time you trust me to cross the street on my own. I think the rule in my house as kid was, “once you’re old enough to wipe your own ass, you can cross the street on your own.”, but our government doesn’t even trust astrophysisists, brain surgeons, poet laureates, or even themselves to cross the street on their own. In a related story, China owns us because we are too stupid to own ourselves.

Filed under: jaywalking

Tags: Jaywalking


Leave a comment
  • All those in favor say aye.

    Jaywalking, of course, is a compound word derived from Jay-Z and Walker Texas Ranger. Only such an unearthly combination representing paternalistic authority and unbridled spending of taxable income could create an equally unearthly law.

  • As someone who has recently hit a pedestrian because she was NOT paying attention when jay-walking, I highly suggest crossing at crosswalks.

    Although people don't pay attention to crosswalk signals either and walk against the light and get I guess what I'm saying is: don't be like the chicken, stay on your own side of the road!

  • I agree for the most part. There are some limitations in my opinion. Personally, I'm not going to be the guy who walks across half a busy street, then waits on the center line waiting for the cars on the other side of the street to pass -- especially if I have children or a pet with me. If you want to do that, then more power to you. But there's no way I'm going to bet my personal safety as well as those with me that every driver out there is paying attention to what's going on out there!

  • No argument from me on that one, JA. Thank you for reading.

  • Love this. Keep banging 'em out, TR. I would jaywalk to shake your hand any day.

Leave a comment