Sure the heatwave sucks but there can still be some good to come of it, right? Like some kind of fortuitous side-effect bonus or something?
1. No More Waiting for Your Shower to Warm up
I never enter the shower BEFORE I turn the turn on the water- but I did twice today. What’s the worst that could happen? Getting cold is the the whole damn reason I’m in the shower to begin with! Total time-saving bonus and the freezing jolt is oddly exhilarating and reminds you you’re alive.
2. You Aren’t Even Slightly Tempted to eat Like a Fatass
Heatwaves remind me of why people who live in warm-weather, coastal locales always tend to be slimmer than land-locked, cooler climate residents. When it’s 95 degrees outside my usual favorite unhealthy mainstays- steak, pizza, italian beef, ribs, fast food, fried chicken all sound so warm, greasy and grody. My last 6 non-breakfast meals have been like the 6th healthiest of my life. If I ate like that all the time I’d be slenderer. Say “slenderer” aloud and try to sound sober, by the way.
3. Increased Acceptance of Casual Work Attire
This may not affect everyone, but it affects me positively. Where I work ties are mandatory except on casual Fridays- but not this week. It has been all open collar all the time, baby! Tomorrow I’m going into unprecedented territory and going in a short-sleeve button down on a non-casual-Friday work day! Damn, I’m gangster.
4. The Good Tingle From Cold, Wet Running Shorts
Sometimes you have to be out in hot weather- you’re a runner, on a softball team, gotta walk the dog, take the kids out, etc. Here is a tip to keep you cool and keep things interesting: 20 minutes before you leave, take a (clean) pair of athletic shorts and run some water over them. Get them good and totally soaked and wring them out so they’re still dampish, but not dripping. Then put them on a plate and shove them in the freezer for 20 minutes.
Put them on before you go out. It’s gives you a Gold Bond-esque tingle, but a cooler version. Since the cool tingle is coming from your shorts it naturally puts a little guilty smile on your face. And for the record: this author is all for ANYTHING that puts any kind of smile on your face when the heat index is 110.
5. FINALLY a Legitimate Excuse for Being Pantsless at Home!
I know this has been a huge week for the domestic no-pants enthusiasts out there- many of my friends among them. They are convinced that every person who 1) lives alone 2) is affected by the heatwave, and 3) has air conditioning, gets home and does the same exact routine: Get home, quickly disrobe, stand in front of their AC unit/vent, then get their Jesus-in-Rio on for a moment in front of the AC and proceed to hang out in their underwear for the rest of the night. My friends insist that 100% of the people in that demographic do exactly that- which sounds brilliant, actually.
6. Great Chance to Take a Cheap Shot at Someone Older Than You
Everyone knows that you’re supposed to stay vigilant of the elderly during heatwaves- call and check up on them, make sure they’re not overheating and frankly, make sure they’re alive. So next time you stop in the office of a middle-aged or older co-worker, or next time you call your parents, or anyone older than you really, tell them something like, “They say you should always check on the elderly during a heatwave. So how’s it going?”. Then you can begin future correspondences with, “Oh good, you’re alive!”.