Archive for January 2011

5 Fates Worse Than Being Stuck in the Chicago Blizzard

5. You Could be in San Antonio and Remember the Alamo was a Successful Instance of Someone Messin' With Texas<br><br>There are two Rules in Texas: 1. Remember the Alamo, 2. Don't Mess With Texas. So let us recall what transpired at the Alamo: Mexico messed with Texas and kicked Texas' ass. Does pointing that out count as Texas Justice for Texas Logic? Heart Disease is certainly messing with Texas and having its way.
No Chicago resident wants to be snowed-in. But is confinement in our great city really worse than freedom to move around in other major US cities? for instance:You could be in Miami getting the herp from sharing a potty seat after you almost made out with tranny. Let’s explore….

6 Commercials I Fu#%ing Hate

At the risk of sounding like someone wearing a tinfoil helmet, I will keep this as brief as I can: I hate it when commercials try to change your current emotions. Movie commercials are often offenders in this realm. You are half-assedly watching tv while you surf the web on your computer and suddenly you start to feel like you're on edge then realize it is because the television is blaring a loud, screeching-music-laden horror movie commercial. Will associating your movie with physical uncomfortability really incentivize me to pay $12 to see your movie? Probably not. I'm trying to unwind after a long day of work, not imagine Freddie Kruger is chasing me That being said, I actually prefer Hefty's aluminum foil over Reynold's. It just has a more lasting snug fit.
At a minimum, commercials should entertain you. At best, they should persuade you. These are neither. In fact, they are so annoying that they deter us from using their products. 

6 Things I Learned About Dubstep Music Last Night

Have a Listen for Yourself<br><br>My concert promoter friend suggested I youtube this guy to see what Dubstep was.
A friend told me that he could me into a concert for free last night and backstage, so I went. Twice he “joked” about how  I need to prepare to ogle and creep out teenage girls while I’m there. I asked why he said that- is this some kinda kiddie genre of music? Yes, he... Read more »

Talk Derby To Me: 6 Best Kentucky Derby Prospects

The Daily Racing Form’s Mike Watchmaker published his Top 20 Early Derby Contenders and I thought that would be a good place for this list to start as I will concede he knows horses better than I do. Derby Season will be here before we know it, and you may as well be the person... Read more »

20 Shows to Get You Through (the rest of) Chicago's Winter

Winter in Chicago can be as brutal as a handshake with a stranger that lasts a millisecond too long.  It feels like soul-raping that never ends.  So sweat it up at some concerts, and come March 20th, stop complaining.  Here’s 20 live shows to get you through the rest of Chicago’s proper winter.

Top 5 Theories On Why Ben Affleck Got Snubbed by the Academy

Here at Lists That Actually Matter, we posted this blog after our guy Affleck got hosed by the Academy in 2011.  Now read this same post and sub out The Town with Argo and all the same facts ring true.   For those of you who have seen The Town, you are most likely as blown away... Read more »

Top 5 Arm Wrestling Movies of All Time

Top 5 Arm Wrestling Movies of All Time
Sly Stallone, you get me.     (I am new to the Twitter game, so follow me @DanTello1)

Top 10 Buckeyes

(track and field 1935-'36) The Buckeye Bullet is one of the greatest Olympians and humanitarians this country has ever had. In college he set a still standing record for 8 indivdual championships in track and field between 1935-'36. During this time he was forced to live off campus with other black student athletes in special dorms. When traveling with the team he had to eat at black-only restaurants. His struggle for equality in and out of the sports arena peeked at the 1936 Olympic games in Berlin. The Nazi party had recently risen to power and Hitler was eager to prove Aryan racial superiority. Smashing this myth on Hitler's doorstep, Owens went on to win 4 gold medals including the 100 m and 200 m sprints. The fastest man alive wasn't only an African American, he was a Buckeye.
I know this Blog is first and foremost about Chicago. However, wandering the busy streets I’ve found most people living in the city aren’t from around here. During my exploits I’ve come across many of my foreign sisters and brethren. No I’m not Chicano or Arabic. I’m a traveler from the green farmlands of Ohio... Read more »

Five Not Very Well Thought Out Replacements for Oprah

Mayor Richard M. Daley: Pro: Cronyism helps Gayle get that city trucking contract she's been trying to lock up for years. Con: Viewers could tune in one day only to find their show bulldozed and sold off to a private company for the next 75 years.
Oprah is leaving. Sort of. Not really. She is going to stop doing her daily talk show in September, but now she just has an entire network devoted to her. Sure, go ahead Oprah. I wasn’t watching the Discovery Health network or anything. Just take it off the air in the middle of the night... Read more »

22 Fat Fall Videos

22 videos of fat people falling. Now is not the time for high-mindedness. The pictures above the videos are just for decoration- I can’t publish a video without showing a pic in the panel above, so please tolerate the awesome pictures.