Top 5 things to Hate about Marathon Runners

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September and October always seem to be primetime for marathons and half-marathons across the Midwest. I don’t run marathons, so how do I know this? Because EVERYONE running one is constantly reminding you of their feat like they just came up with the algorithm for Facebook (topical joke). Newsflash Marathon Runners, ANYBODY can run a marathon. All you need is a desire for a hobby so badly you are willing to train for the sole purpose of running 26.2 miles and coming in 8958th place at the Chicago Marathon… and $90. Look, if you want to run a marathon or, if you are a puss, a half marathon, that’s awesome. Go for it. Just don’t tell me about it with an aura of smugness like you just graduated Med School. Without further ado, here are the top 5 things I hate about marathonites.

(Check out the follow up post: 5 More Things to Hate about Marathon Runners)

5. Runner’s Goo:

Maybe I’m crazy, but if I was making the turn from mile 14 to 15, I would assume I’d rather reach out and grab a cup of water instead of squeezing liquid chocolate flavored goo into my mouth. How can that not make you vomit? And how much can it possibly work? Because marathonites treat this stuff like Popeye treats spinach. I’m not buying it. I just think it is some stunt by the running companies to see how willing marathonites are to buy stuff to prove they are the ultimate runner.

4. Fat Runners:

How can people who fully train for a marathon still be fat? Oh yeah, because if you are running 15 minute miles, you aren’t exactly ripping through calories. And fat marathonites constantly make you put your foot in your mouth. The fatty approaches you and says “I am training for the marathon,” to which you reply, based off their physique, “oh yeah? When do you start?” And then fatty hits you with the bomb, “I am trained, the marathon is next week.” I have to imagine it is a lot like accidently asking a married lady who recently put on weight when the baby is due.

3. Short Male Runner Shorts:

You know the guy. He is going through a mid-life crisis and instead of getting a divorce or a sports car, he decides to pick up distance running. Cool. Of course, he can’t just throw on New Balances, mesh shorts and a t-shirt. No, he has to get the full outfit: dry-fit tank-top, weird looking mesh hat, and, of course, shorts that show 80% of their thigh. God forbid we only have to see 50% of your disgusting middle-aged thigh. It would totally mess up your “pace.” Because if you wore mid-thigh shorts instead you would totally run that marathon in 4:24.50 instead of 4:24.20. (Sidenote: Another douche phrase marathonites use: “pace.” Just tell me how fast you run your average mile.)

2. Still Going to the Bar Runners:

You and the rest of your slob friends are at the bar, getting drunk (because that is what you do at bars) when a young lady or gentleman walks in and you notice they are not drinking. Someone inevitably asks them the logical question, “Dude, why aren’t you drinking?” The question the marathonite has been jonesing to be asked all night; the entire reason they went to the bar. So, the douche runner responds, “because I am training for the marathon and I have a 16-miler tomorrow.” Really? You do? So why aren’t you home watching a movie? Or hanging out with your douche runner-group? Oh yeah. Because you want all of us to know how awesome your self-discipline is. I think I am going to drive my car 6mph alongside one of those runner groups and blast club music as I drink just so they can know how it feels.

1. “26.2” Bumper Sticker:

Once the marathon is completed, how can the marathonites keep reminding us of their greatness? By buying these annoying bumper stickers that just say “26.2.” Smug bumper stickers for smug people. They might piss me off more than the Darwin Fish bumper stickers. I can just imagine passing a Subaru on the highway armed with a bike rack and one of those dumbass stickers plastered on the back. Seriously, have you ever seen one of the “26.2” bumper stickers on a car that was not a Prius or a Subaru.


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  • Hey, just so you know...walking or running a mile will burn the same amount of calories. it depends on the you may want to lay off the "fatties" who are trying to accomplish something. I'm all for yelling at overweight people when they don't attempt to get healthy, but knocking on a fat MARATHON runner is pretty cruel.

  • In reply to JMilk:

    Not entirely true that someone burns the same amount of calories per mile. That just doesn't add up. A 200lb person walking a mile at 15:00 is going to burn less calories than if they ran that mile at 7:00 or less.

  • In reply to LonnieRuns:

    Except that you are actually wrong. The amount of calories burned has more to do with distance and weight than pace. Someone that is heavier will burn more calories in the same distance than someone lighter running faster. It is basic physics.

  • In reply to lvleph:

    How is it incorrect to say that the same 200lb person will burn MORE calories running a sub 7:00 mile than they would if they walked a mile in 15 minutes? I am 208lbs and run a 6:15-6:20 mile. If I walk a mile, I burn less calories than if I run the same mile right?

  • In reply to LonnieRuns:

    "[T]he total energetic cost of running depends only on the distance run and not on running speed."
    Rapoport BI, 2010 Metabolic Factors Limiting Performance in Marathon Runners. PLoS Comput Biol 6(10): e1000960. doi:10.1371/journal.pcbi.1000960

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    In reply to lvleph:

    So not true.... I don't care what any studies say, that is the biggest bs i've ever heard. Running uses your core muscles in no way the walking can, which is the area most people need to lose weight. Take 2 people who weigh the same and have 1 run 5 miles everyday and 1 walk 5 miles everyday. The results aren't even going to be close

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    In reply to Jordan Wirth:

    If you drive your car at 30 mph for 10 miles and then at 60 mph for 10 miles, is your fuel consumption drastically different? No, of course not.

  • In reply to Robert Clark:

    Are you serious?!?!? Your analogy is TERRIBLE.

  • In reply to Robert Clark:

    Loll. Here's a research case study you can do yourself!!

    Get on a treadmill and put in your age, height and weight. Set it so it shows your calorie burning rate. Increase the speed and watch the calories burned per unit of time increase. Why would every manufacturer of exercise equipment that includes a calories burned feature lie to us with the reported numbers?

    It's not a linear progression, either. Beyond a certain walking pace, roughly 12:30 per mile for the average person, any further decrease in pace causes a marked increase in required calorie burn to maintain the activity.

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    In reply to Jordan Wirth:

    You're stupid. Stop talking please. "I don't care what evidence says, I'm right" is by far the dumbest thing you've said (here that is, I imagine you are quite a bit worse with your stupidity in everyday interactions).

  • In reply to LonnieRuns:

    As a distance runner who does not run marathons, I dislike having to explain to people that, yes I love to run 12 or 14 miles at a time, but - no, I do not do it to train for a marathon. I just love running!

    I do not enjoy the marathon crowd mentality, although all of my friends who run marathons do. I like having my space and not seeing (or smelling) too may people around me.

    Interestingly, I only have one friend who is both a serious runner and whom runs marathons. I find that most, not all, who run marathons, do so to accomplish that goal. They are not the ones who run 50 or 60 miles a week, for 52 weeks despite our Chicago weather challenges.

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    In reply to bprqee:

    I don't know if I agree with that. I'm a 50-60 mile a week guy (Sometimes more) and enjoy marathons. Granted I like smaller Marathons more that have less people (Easier to stay at my own speed). Did one in Japan Oshima that had like 380 people only. That one was really nice. Very hilly, good challenge, mostly ran by myself.

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    In reply to LonnieRuns:

    Because the mile is done in less time.

    You are trading time for distance, the other side of the equation is a constant. Like a lever, the force goes up because the distance went down, but the work is constant.

    The only factor NOT considered here would be wind resistance, which for a runner would be pretty negligible. But to be pedantic, ok sure, a faster person DOES technically burn more calories because of wind resistance, just although it may be an immeasurably small difference.

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    In reply to Jamie Bennion:

    That is a superb answer.

  • In reply to Jamie Bennion:

    Ok. I've read enough replies. This whole concept is very very false - or at least over simplified and mis-applied. I need someone on here to put in the truth. The "work" logic behind the theory is accurate in terms of simple physics but the human body does not work like that. When you start to do something at a faster rate, the human body is inevitably less EFFICIENT at it, which WILL take more calories.

    The output work over the constant distance (1 mile) will be the same. But this is where everyone's logic seems to stop. However, in order to output this work at a faster rate, your entire cardiovascular system has to work harder - including your heart (a muscle). This doesn't even factor in the fact that your body is recruiting (and damaging) MORE muscles in order to to this which will take calories to use and even more to repair (lots of calories get used in the repair process). You are just overall a less efficient machine when going fast.

    You DO burn more calories running than walking.

  • In reply to IISHR25:

    ^This should be the only answer in this comment thread anyone should read. Everyone else is terribly wrong and shortsighted as far as biology and physiology.

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    In reply to Choward420:

    Here's the best way I know to describe it. If you run 6 miles at 6MPH in one hour, you will burn 600 calories (height and weight dependent, let's use 600 for our example). If you walk 6 miles at 3MPH it will take you two hours and you will, again, burn 600 calories. So, on the surface it looks like running and walking both burn 100 calories per hour. However, these 600 calories are GROSS calories. In order to compute net calories we have to subtract the portion of BMR (basal metabolic rate) from our gross calories. Let's say the subject's BMR is 2,400. Dividing that by 24 hours in a day would give us 100 calories burned per hour by just being alive. We would then subtract 100 (one hour of BMR) from the 600 calories for running at 6MPH for one hour for a total of 500 net calories burned or roughly 83 calories per mile. For the walking example we would subtract 200 (two hours of BMR) from the 600 calories for 400 net calories burned or roughly 67 calories burned per mile. So, running at 6 MPH burns 25% more calories per mile than does walking at 3MPH. Obviously, if you run faster or walk slower this gap will grow.

  • In reply to lvleph:

    I am 6'2 and have run 15 sub 3:00 marathons between 205# and 235# PR 2:45 - Slow, but I train. I am more amazed by how slow all you skinny runners are - How can you be 6'2 and 160# and not break 2:30?

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    In reply to Dopplebock:

    Skinny people

    a) Don't have the core reqired for constant deep breathing

    b)This is going to sound dumb, but your arms do a lot of work for you. Having a decent upper body helps a lot.

  • In reply to lvleph:

    Hey people... pretty sure this article is a joke. I'm a runner and thought it was pretty funny. If you are offended you must be fat.

  • In reply to lvleph:

    Look, if you want to write a blog or, if you are a puss, a half blog, that's awesome. Go for it. Just don't tell me about it with an aura of smugness like you just graduated Med School. ;)

  • In reply to lvleph:

    You aren't taking into consideration that your center of mass moves a lot farther if you run a mile than if you walk a mile because you go up and down more. Your high school physics do not apply here.

  • In reply to tylerd1:

    Boom. Science burn. Tyler, thanks for keeping my marathon post alive!

  • In reply to tylerd1:

    Thank you for the "high school physics"! Everyone mis-applies this. There is also the fact that the body is less efficient when it is running vs. walking effectively requiring that it burns more calories (cardiovascular system has to work harder).

  • In reply to JMilk:

    really? you yell at fat people? What a dick.

  • hahaha. First of all, this article is a joke.

    Second, the above comment is false: Running and walking a mile does not burn the same amount of calories. There is no way that you sweat your face off in 35 min to run 4 miles, and burn the same amount of calories as someone walking, holding onto the treadmill handrails, and watching Ellen in the morning for an hour. That's science.
    See Runner's World circa 2005: Our argument began when I told Swain that both walking and running burn the same number of calories per mile. I was absolutely certain of this fact for two unassailable reasons: (1) I had read it a billion times; and (2) I had repeated it a billion times. Most runners have heard that running burns about 100 calories a mile. And since walking a mile requires you to move the same body weight over the same distance, walking should also burn about 100 calories a mile. Sir Isaac Newton said so.

    Swain was unimpressed by my junior-high physics. "When you perform a continuous exercise, you burn five calories for every liter of oxygen you consume," he said. "And running in general consumes a lot more oxygen than walking."

  • In reply to guestie:

    No, that earlier comment is pretty much true. You burn a little more per mile running, but not that much. Of course, holding the rails is cheating, so that's a different matter. Watching Ellen is also cheating - you have to actually walk swinging your arms, and being bored.

  • Seems like this post is just justifying your shortcomings in life.

  • This guy is just a runner hatter and is p.o.'d it is going to ruin his weekend. You should have planned your vacation for this week so you are not so put out. :-(

    Fat runners, whatever. We are all people that have a goal in life no matter how big or little we are. Pat them on the back for finishing something like this then go back to your pitcher of beer and your large everything pizza. At least they got up and did it unlike you.

    My goal in life now is to at least run one marathon and I will do it thanks to following @MarathonMissfit and getting to know some of the Redeye royalties that are runners and some of whom are running this weekend.

    If this is a joke of a post I would say it is in very poor taste. You could have written a much better hater article then picking on the obvious in people, jerk! I hope you get caught in the marathon and trampled on by the runners!

  • Lots of hatred in this post and other post created by this blogger. Maybe a little anger management in order? At least you might want to burn off some of that anger maybe by....running?

    One thing running has done for me is learning of acceptance. Acceptance of the fact that there are many different kinds of people in this world. Acceptance of the fact that some people like running and others don't.Acceptance of the fact that some people are quiet about their opinions and others are not. Acceptance that hatred is found in those struggling to find meaningful relationships or purpose in life. Acceptance that some people won't turn the ideologically filter off and take it all in. Acceptance of the fact that I am bound to get brushed off the road by a runner or cyclist hater in a car. Acceptance that there are really cool people in this world and I can't wait to meet them all. Acceptance that better physical health improves one's mental and spirital well-being. Acceptance that this will mean very little to a hater.
    Hope you can accet that.

  • In reply to vetpalm:

    Pretty sure this dude is kidding kids...

  • In reply to vetpalm:

    My favorite is the runner who just did his/her first 5K, then decides to take the "plunge" into the 26.2...They train and train and you hear all about their god damn LONG RUNS and you eventually want to put a pistol in your mouth and end it all. I'm a runner, and a damn decent runner, but I'm quite content with the fact that I can run a 5K or 10K and wake up the next day and go about my day as a normal human being. Marathoners, on the other hand tell you all about their toe-nails falling off, their stress fractures, shin splints (or what-have-you) malady...This one girl I know has been running herself ragged for the past year and forcing her body to do things that aren't quite natural to the human physique and (you guessed it!), she now has a broken foot. Now, I have to listen to this girl bitch and moan about how she missed out on the Chicago Mary, because she went on one too many long runs knowing full well that she was injured and thus, made her injury worse by breaking her foot.

    I'll take placing in my age-group in a 5k any day over a marathon. People ask me all the time why I don't run marathons. I then ask them, "why do you run marathons?" They don't really give me a great answer, other than the fact that they drag their damn family down to Chicago, where they have to jocky for position on some lone street corner to 5 hours waiting for your slow-ass to make a 2 minute pass....

    Marathoners, I'm tired of hearing about your runs. Do it for YOURSELF! We don't want to listen to you go on and on about how awesome of a human being you are.

  • In reply to NuOrder72:

    I've never lost toe nails, had shin splints, or a broken foot. In fact, I run these things and hop out of bed the next morning as if nothing happened. Gotta train smart. The people you know must be doing it wrong.

  • In reply to vetpalm:

    I admit, #4 made me laugh out loud.

  • In reply to alexquigley:

    Alex, you're a good/bad man, and that's why we like you.

  • In reply to vetpalm:

    I laughed aloud and read excerpts to my friend who is in the room but watching television. You are right on with this list. Anyone who disagrees with you is wrong.

  • Hi, Dan. Wanna run a marathon?
    p.s. I drink beer(s) the night before my long runs. Often.

  • In reply to markremy:

    I seriously thing you should take Mark up on his offer to personally train you for a marathon. It would be a great experience and I believe it would teach you a thing or two about dedication and humility.

    In regards to the crack about marathon bumper stickers on Subaru vehicles, I am a marathon runner and own a Subaru. I don't have a bumper sticker. However, your post has definitely made me feel that I should go out and purchase one in the near future. Furthermore, I ran Milwaukee this year and I have to admit, a group of friends and I went to dinner the night before and I was the only one who drank beer. Additionally, why do you hate heavy runners? These people have to put twice as much effort into getting over the finish line (and no.....I am not heavy). You should be giving them props!

  • In reply to buzz123:

    Hi there, I am a heavy runner who busted his ass this past year to lose weight and train for the marathon. Sunday was rough, but I finished. I think you should man up and accept the offer.

  • In reply to buzz123:

    YES. Thank you!

  • In reply to markremy:

    I agree with Melanie. There is a spirit among runners that is enviable, and their discipline & determination is unquestionable...

  • In reply to markremy:

    I was at the marathon this weekend and read this post the week before. I have to say that after the marathon all these things are true. I completely understand that running a marathon takes a tremendous amount of work and dedication, but I am tired of hearing you talk about it for 8 straight hours and constantly bragging about it. I get it you are extremely motivated and now because of that motivation you won't be able to walk for two weeks and your feet have an outside chance of full out falling off. Following around my friend this year as he ran the marathon was a lot of work in itself and I am not comparing it to the work runners did, but in no way was watching the marathon fun just like in no way can running for 26.2 miles be fun. Sorry runners. Hilarious article

  • In reply to Stylin19:

    I disagree, while it was hard...I did have fun. I enjoyed it. Every slow and grueling step...

  • In reply to Stylin19:


    You did something absolutely amazing for yourself. Way to kick-ass. Sunday was incredibly hot and sort of nullified the entire purpose of having the marathon in October, but you went about your business and laughed in the face of the August-like weather. Losing 110lbs is absolutely insane. Your story has inspired many to run marathons, get in shape, and push themselves to levels they did not believe was possible. Don't let idiots like me who write tongue-in-cheek articles bother you. For those of you who would like a little inspiration after reading my too-cool, hater crap, check out Dan's story:

  • In reply to Stylin19:

    Tello - Great post. As a veteran of many marathons, I cannot stand the obsessive narcissism that falls on some, but not all, of the runners that you speak about in this post.

    To those runners, just shut up and run! While you ran a marathon and this is a great achievement, I don't need to hear about it.

  • In reply to Stylin19:

    I haven't run a marathon, but I've run pretty far and thinking of trying it next year after seeing all the energy of this years (and cheered on all my ridiculously ambitious friends). And weight does not equal fitness, whether it's high or low. But I'm sure you know that. I actually found this hilarious.
    Have a sense of humor about yourself kids. You did something tough and impressive and can find comfort in knowing that if you see Tello on the street, he definitely won't be able to out run you. ;)
    (But I don't condone violence! *disclaimer*)

  • In reply to Stylin19:

    Oh and P.S. Walking a mile burning the same amount of calories as running a mile is THE most absurd thing I've ever heard; unless your "run" is a 16 minute mile or your "walk" is a spring, that's completely wrong. Otherwise I would burn the same amount sitting in a car for one mile as walking, right? A 60 watt bulb would use the same amount of energy as a 120 watt? Calories are measurements of energy; the faster you move, the more you use. Period.

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    In reply to Henjealy:

    When I read that I thought it was stupid too. But test it out on a treadmill or with a heart rate monitor. If you did 6mph for 7 minutes or 3mph for 15 The calories will be the nearly the same. You're generating energy for a longer period of time, instead of a big burst of energy in a short time. Your car comparison is absurd, the gas and combustion in the engine are generating the energy to propel you forward, not your own legs. I'll just assume you weren't serious with that one

  • In reply to Stylin19:

    Wow. douche bag, much? I agree there are those who sit there and talk and whine about the toe nails falling off, etc., BUT its those people who keep me going. What do you do? You're obviously bitter for a reason. Is it the wee little man complex you suffer from? Obviously "the fatty" is trying and its more than you can say. I say, keep strutting those stickers and keep running! Its people like this that are jealous. This author was obviously the last one picked for a team in grade school.

  • In reply to yomamma:

    Wow. Way to fight hate with hate. Except the author's hate is in jest, and yours is very real. Does it make sense to rip someone for being negative with more negativity? Or does that make you look like a hypocrite?

  • In reply to markremy:

    This blog is really funning from a guy who has another blog post titled "Top 5 Saved by the Bell Rivalries" and states "the greatest TV show EVER - Saved by the Bell." And another about MTV's Real World. Talk about a "puss"! This guy needs to get out of his Mom's basement and get a real life. It's no wonder he's jealous of marathoners.

  • In reply to Mike999:

    Saved by the bell is hands down the greatest television show ever. Zach Morris for prez

  • In reply to Mike999:

    agreed, DarkAngel! This is a hilarious post, and I love how marathoners everywhere are taking this so damn seriously. Why don't you cry about it? Better yet, how about going for a long run to cheer you up? Don't forget the GU!

  • In reply to BRtoSB:

    I can't speak for "marathoners everywhere," but I'm not taking this so damn seriously. (There isn't much I do take seriously.) I just thought, all things considered, it wasn't an awfully effective post. (i.e., There are a hundred things annoying about marathoners... this is really the best you can do?) My offer to Dan(?) was serious, though. I'm calling his bluff, and offering to personally coach him through 4 to 6 months of marathon training, so he can show all you guys that anybody really CAN run a marathon. It's disappointing that he hasn't responded at all. I reckoned he might at least pop up to mock the offer. Sad.

  • In reply to BRtoSB:

    Funny post, but I do agree with Mark - you left a lot of good material on the table by limiting your list to five items. For those who think anybody could do it, just consider marathon training a character building exercise for people who want to tackle something really challenging and rare, like say, writing a blog. C'mon, man, take Mark up on his offer.

  • In reply to Mike999:

    @Tello Real: As a runner -- one who just completed his first marathon in Chicago yesterday with a time of 3:28 (which is something more than wabbling but something less than Kenyan-esque) -- I want to tell you that I truly understand where you're coming from. I make it a point, in my everyday life, to avoid talking about my running because I understand how annoying it can be. You mentioned Med School. I'm a lawyer, and I have this friend in Med School. He constantly talks about his school in extreme detail, and I constantly want him to shut up. Among other things, it's just not interesting to me. I feel like, wherever you go and whomever you're with, you kinda have an obligation to stick to inclusive topics of conversation where every participant is capable of contributing and everyone has a point of reference. Any form of preening or posing is annoying (and boring) whatever the topic. So, if I bump into you in a bar, you won't hear me talking about my long runs. I agree with you.

  • In reply to Mike999:

    Tell ya what....go sign up for one and actually train for it. When you start to dry heave at mile 18 because you didn't have goo and your body is out of calories because you just burned through that beer from the night before for "carbo loading" and then you are looking for the "fatty" to hang on to just to get to the next 8.2 miles.....then you can talk. Otherwise....ya got no room to say anything.

  • In reply to markremy:

    I think we all need to look up the word Sattire. by the way the person who goes on and on about marathon running. He/she isn't a marathoner who cannot shut up about marathons, he's a person who cannot stop talking about herself and training for a marathon is her latest thing. if she suddenly switched to basket weaving then all you would hear out of her mouth day and night is basket-weaving, basket-weaving, basket-weaving.

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    Running is a hard thing to do. It takes discipline to accomplish whatever goal you have in running. Everyone who i have talked to who has decided to take it up has struggled. Either boredom,heat cold, rain. There are more bad days than good. Why do people keep doing it? My belief is that it is hard thing to do. My belief also is that by doing hard things people dont bitch as much about the easy things. The argument about walking vs. running for calories doesnt matter. Walking is easy, running is hard!

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    I have just ran a half marathon 3 weeks ago and the army ten miler last sunday...I am running my first (and only) marathon in May....the number one rule for the zombie apocalypse....cardio.....lmao

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    Dude how you gonna hate ?
    The fact of the matter is that not everyone can run a marathon, for instance the big thing you forgot to mention as a need is the use of your legs. This list of yours seems to be an ignorant attempt to make yourself feel better about , one could only assume, a sedentary lifestyle.

    5. Runners Goo ?
    While I can agree with you on the fact that gels are overpushed , the do come in quite handy. It's a very easily digested form of glucose which your body is in need of on the longer run. Having one or two of these bad boys when you start to bonk out ( or when blood glucose goes through the floor) is a huge help.
    4. Fat runners
    Are you seriouse ? The fact that someone is Heavier set is sad .That heavier set person wanting or run a marathon ? Ballsy, who the hell are you to belittle someone for setting a goal for themselves and having the guts to go through with ? I say guts because someone of a heavier build is putting a lot more strain on their body by simply setting off to finish 26 miles. In reality the person at a 15:00 min mile pace is getting the most bang for their buck by spending more time on the race route. If they stick with it heavier runners will get into better shape , lose weight, run faster and be healthier over all with time. You and you negative comments can shove off and drink yourself senseless.
    3. Male Running Shorts
    If you got it / are working to get it flaunt it? While some people choose their running appearal for all the wrong reasons the short and simple explanation of this is short shorts are just more comfortable period. If your not comfortable with the view look away! My pace and my toned legs will keep the shorts !
    2. Bars
    The simple fact here is that a bar is very much a social atmosphere and they are probably with friends of their own. In the case of a person being in a bar all alone with the motivation of getting their jollies out of bragging about what they are training to do , that person truly is a sad individual , but I can only hope it happens severely less than you made it out to.

    1. Ah the prized bumper sticker
    Roughly 1% of the worlds population has completed a marathon ! So the fact that they buy a sticker to show off a lil, so be it. You want to put them down for buying a sticker ? Run a marathon and don't buy a sticker , that will show them how internet posting elite do things.

    Over all I know Im wasting time writing this but hey everyone needs something to vent at right ? I fully admit I am biased on this topic. I LOVE RUNNING! I have been running scince I was in high school and completed my first marathon without any training at the age of 15. I am a college student now and have gotten into ultra marathons at 21 running my first 50k trail race. A marathon is no joke, and the ability to run is a gift. Just because you dont have the same passion I do that's all good. But before you go on rants spitting negative ignorance , educate yourself a bit and try to see the other perspective.

  • Mike, thanks for reading and thanks for your inability to understand that this post is a complete joking...

  • In reply to DanTello:

    Dan you are so fucking dumb. This is one of the stupidest things I have read in awhile. Joke or no joke this is cruel, idiotic, and immature. Grow up. Get off your fat ass and run a few miles.

    P.s. Way to not stereotype

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    Sarcasm is funny, however not in your article. Talk about smug...

  • In reply to Joseph Hager:

    So, Joesph, does that mean you aren't going to like us on facebook?

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    As far as the bar thing goes, this guy stopped for pints at five pubs during the London Marathon and finished with a cigar and another beer:

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    You are a clown... Grab your pair, if you have any, and run a marathon. Marathoners are the coolest people you will ever meet!

    And if I go into a bar - you better believe I will be having more than a few drinks... The Beer will be used for my carbo-loading!

    Marathon Maniac #5205

    - CAK7 of Project 26.2

  • Hi DanTello -

    Not sure if you are a guy or a girl, since your pic is of a very pretty girl. Maybe shes your girlfriend or that girl from Laguna Beach and you have a crush on her... I think her name is Kristen??

    Anyway, I'm an avid runner - been running since the 6th grade (don't mean to brag... Oh wait, yes I do.) I'll be honest, marathon runners can be a little (or a lot braggy), but you know what? Most of us don't care. I'm the one busting my ass at 6 AM 5 or 6 days a week for 6 months, but you probably already know this.

    My point is, I thought your article was humorous and I'm going to continue to run and let people know about my accomplishments by buying more bumper stickers and marathon t-shirts for each city I run... People who finish after the 6.5 hour mark do annoy me, but I can't razz them too much... they finished, right? It's not that I think most people can't finish a marathon, it's that I don't think many people want to... And that's cool too.

    Anyway, funny post. The GU (not Goo, silly.) comment obviously isn't true and I own a 26.2 sticker, but unfortunately it's on a '99 Chevy Malibu. (I can't afford a Prius right now. If I had my pick though, F the Prius, I would do a Shelby Mustang. A girl can dream.... And I definitely would NOT put a sticker on that baby.) The short shorts I do not mind since many runner guys have hot legs and fabulous asses... And well the heavier people, I definitely give them props.

    If you read this and can't see how this article is wrong on so many levels, you missed the joke. Take care and I do agree w/the others - you should try a marathon! You might end up liking it and showing me your dead toe nail one day... ;)

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    This person is obviously upset because to speak about something so hateful you know nothing about, well you must be trying to fill a void in your own life. I go to bars all the time and dont drink, I go to see friends, and dance. Sorry that I can have fun without drinking and you are so boring that the only way your friends will hang out with you is if you are drunk.

  • Your insults are based out of want to run a marathon don't you?

  • U mad bro? Because you seem pretty mad.

    Lots of kisses,
    A 222-lb marathoner with a 26.2 sticker on his car

  • ok... hate to name call but you're stupid.

    first of all, i am one of those that was a fatty and got to be a skinny model by training for marathons. people like you are those that make overweight people so ashamed to do anything.

    I agree with Jmilk and a few others... why not spend your time on getting to be educated on what you're writing about instead of name calling, dummy.

    For every mile you run or walk or crawl, so long as youre not using a bike, skateboard or another means of transporation, its approximately 100 calories per mile. This will be more if you are heavier and less if you are thinner. It depends on your body size.

    Now if you burn 100 calories per mile and run the mile in 8 minutes, its 100 calories that you burned. If it takes you 20 minutes, its still 100 calories. You might think that is not fair... so I might as well go slow. However, you can run 2 miles in 20 minutes if you go twice as fast, with a grand total of 200 calories burned.

    So why dont think before you write.

  • In reply to M Irish:

    You don't burn the same number of calories if you walk and if you run. This is because you are doing more work when you are running.
    Think about it like this: W=Fd and KE=1/2mv^2
    Where W is work, F is force and d is distance.
    F=ma (force is equal to mass times acceleration)
    This can be rewritten as a= F/m
    a = (v − 0)/t = v/t
    Therefore, F = mv/t.
    Next, distance, d = ½vt
    now you can substitute
    W = ½mv²
    Now if you insert numbers my point becomes clear.
    if a 80Kg person ran a marathon at two different speeds (first in 3 hours, then in four hours) in terms of the work done.
    W= (1/2)80kg* ((42195m/3hours)^2)=7912969kJ
    W= (1/2)80kg* ((42195m/4hours)^2)=4451045kJ
    ergo, you do more work when you run more quickly

  • In reply to Tysonballer:

    So suck it....

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    Haha being a long distance runner i totally have to agree with #3. Wearing short shorts makes almost no difference, unless you were wearing ghetto basketball shorts in the first place.

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    What the freak does he know he never ran a marathon?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

    5, Runners goo: How would you know how much it workes. It does work like a charm, it may taste like crap but it really does work a lot being a mrathon runner I would know

    4, Fat people funning : I saw so many fat people running a marathon and some did better then me because there pure motivation is losing weight so people like you stop making fun of him

    3, short shorts: I agree, they think it works but it doesn't.

    2, , runners still going to the bar: I don't know about that one since I'm only 14.

    1, bumper sticker: Really? Are you freaken kidding me? You hate people who stick bumper stickers on there car showing they ran a marathon. I remember when I was about 5, really young and still learning, and my mom would say when my brother is making faces at me to just look away. Now I don't get annoyed for crap because I'm older and more mature so I think it's very childish that you actually get annoyed about bumper stickers. If before I ran a marathon and I saw a bumper sticker like that I would be really impressed that they acomplished something that only about .5% of the us population are just to lazy to do and instead they write stupid posts like this. But now that I read this and sent this to my mom (A fellow marathoner) she thought she should just buy a bumper sticker.

    So before you start writing stupid posts like this how about you run a marathon, eat the goo, see how much it works, and then see the temtation to buy a bumper sticker you piece of crap!!!!!

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    Musings from the desk of a fat lazy person...

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    Musings from the desk of a fat, lazy person...

  • My wife has done a few half-marathons. Has the 13.1 magnet, but doesn't drive a Subaru or Prius. LOL I'm in good shape but running is not my thing. I don't find it fun. She and her friends look down on me for not being part of their scene. I've thought about taking up running, but I think she and her friends would laugh at me as my times wouldn't be anywhere as good as what they could do. I'd rather do something I like with people who actually respect me.

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    OMG the person who wrote this is an idiot, and obviously has not even a basic understanding of physics, nor any understanding of the physiology of running and walking and how the body uses calories. Dude, Google "Metabolism" and do a little research. Also, just curious ... What's the furthest distance you've ever carried yourself on your own two feet? Like, from the computer to the fridge, or ... ???

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    I just noticed that my kid replied to this, about a month after we ran our first marathon. He was 14, I was post-40. We did it for the challenge, and we're going to do it again next year. Reading this article inspired me to go to Amazon and buy a 26.2 bumper sticker for my Toyota...I didn't even know they existed before, so thanks for that, DanTello! My kid, however, has a sticker that says "27.4...I got lost." Funny article, though. I was amused...and you and Philip have a point about the short shorts.

  • For 1, I hate runners goo.
    For 2, I am not fat.
    For 3, I do not wear "short male running shorts"
    For 4, I do not go to the bar, nor will I ever.
    For 5, I do not have a 26.2 mile sticker and don't plan on getting one.
    For 6, I have run for 14 years and will continue to regardless of how many idiots write these articles.
    For 7, it sounds like you hate runners goo, fat, short shorts, the bar, and stickers that say 26.2. How do these even portray the marathon runners as a whole?

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    Now get up and train for Marathon. I don't care how short your shorts are. Just train and get it done.

    When you actually run marathon, look around how fatty fat short women run faster than yourself.

    You don't deserve judging anyone in the world and that includes marathoners.

  • What's your concern with men's thighs? It's a portion of a person's leg. Why is that an issue for you to see?

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    Just to share.. I laughed lightheartedly at some of the reasons to 'hate' marathon runners.. but in reality.. it is a huge accomplishment. For someone like myself, that battled obesity issues for so very long, after suffering years of abuse, I broke through it and am now an avid, very fit / toned runner. I am now finding 5k's manageable and easy so I am starting to train for my 1st 1/2 marathon and so very excited that this goal I am planning to reach before my 45th birthday (turning 40 in a few months) My first goal is to do a race I did this past March, but bump it up to do their 15k. So buddy, just remember for those of us that have tried so hard to thrive in being healthy, after years of suffering being unhealthy.. it is a HUGE reward for my now having the strength and body to be able and do this. Back off dude! If you were in the mindset of what it truly means to be athletic and a runner, you would not have posted this.

  • No I have never seen a Prius or Subaru without a 26.2 bumper sticker...BUT I once saw a Prius Without an "Obama/Biden" sticker!

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    Thank you for the wonderful laugh. Hate to admit it but I saw myself in a few of those descriptions. I started running in my 40s and I have no idea why I run marathons but at this stage I have four 26.2 stickers on my Subaru! And after this weekend in Dublin I will have 5! Not bad for a douche marathoner (not marathonite). And I don't really care about the time just as long as I stay BTO.

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    I hate child molesters and people who behead American missionaries and journalists in foreign countries. Smug, I can live with. Evil, I cannot.

  • Just when I think our society is starting to turn away from the judgmental assholishness of judging people we don't even know for who they are, how they look, and what they do, I read this. "Fat" marathon runners still run farther than skinny people who don't do it at all. Being thin is not a bright line definition of being fit. I know plenty of thin people who couldn't run around the block. But I've seen "fat" people run both halfs and fulls.

    I have 13.1, 26.2, and Tough Mudder stickers on my FORD because I earned them. I have never even been in a Prius or Subaru. Don't even know anyone who owns either vehicle.

    Just because a person is marathon training, doesn't mean they should sit at home and be anti-social. Maybe the problem is with the people who are so worried about why I am not drinking. Worry about yourself and I won't have to tell you I'm not drinking because I think there is more to life than being drunk all the time and am training.

    Goo is gross, but it actually does work. You'd know that if you actually did it.

    Ya know, I'm all for satire and being a sarcastic asshole. In fact, I am a verified sarcastic asshole myself. But it's not funny when it's purely judgmental. This person may think they are being funny, but it just comes across as bitter and rude.

    Lastly, I've found that the people who have gotten on my case for running are mostly just jealous they don't have the mental grit it takes to train for months and actually run a marathon.

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    Running is THE most indivdual sport...If you are thick or thin...Running sub 3hr marathons ect... I am hoping all in this conversation thread remember all runners on any level are running faster than those who chose to do nothing.....

  • In reply to Georgia Mays:

    And than is important ?

  • If marathon running is so elite and exclusive why are there HUGE lists of " athletes " waiting to paristapate in them . 50,000 - 10,000 runners is not egotists ruining in rarified air . Sucked a golf try running ?

  • Marathon runners are the biggest bunch of self-centered, selfish assholes on the planet. They waste so much fucking time training to do a completely selfish act when this is not what we need in the world today! My fat ugly wife just ran the chicago marathon and it took the bitch almost 6 hours to finish,...and she still got a fucking medal!! What is that about??? She probably spent over 300 hours to train for this and ignored her family and everything else for this selfish act. When she dies, which I was hoping she would have during the race!, and the Lord asks her how she saved souls, her reply can only be "But Lord, I am GREAT because I ran a marathon!!" and then the Lord will throw in the eternal fire and she will burn in hell!! FUCK all you runners!!! selfish pigs!!!

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    In reply to f marathon runners:

    See, that reply was funny, f m r. I came here to read a funny piece poking fun as us marathon runners, and got what I thought was not funny and a trifle angry. They should delete the original story and just post your comment, it was hilarious. Going back to read it again. :)

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    This article is garbage

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    This article made me laugh. Poor writer who is so butt hurt by dedicated runners enjoying an activity that improves overall health. There's a fine line between hating marathon runners (aka jealousy) and admiring their self-discipline. Sure they can get (very) annoying with how much they brag about their accomplishments and self-discipline, but that's when I let them live their life. It it makes them feel good that's great. I'd rather have them brag about being a healthy, strong-minded individual than bragging about how many shots they took before passing out in their own puke or the amount of drugs they do.

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