If the Cubs were a Southern team

12072580_829195510530270_369329575781567286_n“When the Cubs win the World Series it’ll be a warm day in November.” I’m certain that’s how the saying goes. Right?

If the Cubs were a Southern team, there would no doubt be a number of odd sayings associated with the team. But the Cubs are a decidedly Midwest team with solid Midwestern beliefs and traditions. From their “maybe next year” attitude to their endearing and storied “fly the W” ritual, the Cubs nation holds tight to their Midwestern values.

Yes, of course, there are all the superstitions that go along with sports, but I’m convinced that if the Cubs were Southern, the cheers and fan base would be different. If you’ll indulge me, here are few things I think would change if the Cubs were from, say, Birmingham:

– The Commute, World Series edition

This year the crowds headed to Wrigley Field for games were a real headache for commuters. When the Cubs were in town on Friday, the commute home was just awful. So much so that my new-in-town friend texted, “Today Chicagoans are New Yorkers.”

Moments later she repealed her statement, “It was actually the nicest yelling I’ve ever heard.”

Chicagoans were saying, “Don’t be an idiot. Move in, please!”

This seems completely reasonable, not to mention polite.

Let’s ignore the issue of lack of effective public transportation in the South for a minute. Here’s what a commuter might say in the South in a situation like that, “Hey y’all, you need to move it to the middle. Bless your heart, haven’t you got a brain cell in your head?”

Sure it takes longer, but don’t ya love it?

-Go Cubs Go

In the South, we have this thing about evolving into our mascots when we cheer on our teams, particularly after fight songs. UGA fans bark after their exclamation, “Go Dawgs, sic ’em.” Florida fans have their Gator Chomp where they slap their hands in front of them like an alligator. Even Ga Tech Yellow Jackets make buzzing sounds. And of course, our Braves have the problematic Tomahawk Chop. (I know that these traditions refer mostly to college sports, namely football, but come on, it is the South we’re talking about.)

So while the cheery Go Cubs Go song would probably stay, a Southern fan base would likely add a roar at the end, and possibly pair it with playfully mauling the air – which would be an amazing and adorable visual at Wrigley Field, I think.

-Let’s Go Cubs

You know that line from the movie Sweet Home Alabama, “Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn’t mean I’m stupid.”

Well, we should add that just because we misspell things doesn’t mean we’re stupid either. It’s charming, I swear. UGA has an English bulldog as their mascot, but don’t try spelling it d-o-g. That will certainly earn you a disapproving, “Bless your heart.” It’s the Dawgs, obviously–that’s how it sounds when you say it. And apparently, Louisianans have something against the letter “O” too; they will take any opportunity to Cajun-ize an “O” into “Eaux.”

What would we do with the Cubs, then? Maybe we’d say, “Geaux Cubs” or call ’em the “Chicageaux Cubs” or phonetic-ize our drawl of the u somehow – Go Cuhbs, perhaps?

-Fly the W

This is simply the fancy Chicago way of saying “git er done.”

I think even if I weren’t living in Chicago this year, I’d still be rooting for the Cubs tonight. Maybe it’s because of a little scrimmage with Cleveland the Braves had back in 1995, or maybe it’s because Cubs fans do have heart and charm reminiscent of Southerners.

Either way, I’ll say this, “Alright now y’all, let’s geaux Cubs! Roar! <paw motion> Git er done.”

Or that’s what I’d say if the team were Southern.

Go Cubs!

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