The Top 10 Things Mom Doesn't Want This Mother's Day

The Top 10 Things Mom Doesn't Want This Mother's Day

 

 

 

 

 

#1o  Anything with your handprint on it – unless it is attached to a plate being put in the sink.

#9   A luke-warm meal. She is gifted that 364 days a year already.  Cut your own meat.

#8  Your eyes “looking at anybody”, your grubby paws “touching anybody”, and the unavoidable announcement delivered in your high-pitched bellow that either of these occurrences are happening.

#7  Fighting, bickering, or teasing your brother or sister.  And for the love of God, leave the goddamn dog alone.

#6  An outing with you.  Seriously – a day at a crowed zoo, museum or movie theatre?  Please, if a field trip is involved today – the lady wants to go alone.

#5  Coupons.  Unless you would like Santa to return the favor next December.

#4  An invitation to find your missing shoe.  Find all your stuff on your own today.

#3  Listening to you whine, pout, argue or complain.  Silence is golden, kid.  Pass it on.

#2  Your presence in the bathroom.  Believe it or not, voiding one’s innards without two judging eyes peering at her is considered quite the gift in some circles.  Make today the day she poops in peace.

#1 Don’t deny her that second glass of wine.  Mommy drinks because you cry.

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