Why Meatless Fridays During Lent Shouldn't Include A Reservation At The Red Lobster

Why Meatless Fridays During Lent Shouldn't Include A Reservation At The Red Lobster

Are you thinking about bellying up to Red Lobster and throwing back an order of king crab legs in order to abide by your lenten promise of no meat tonight?

Think again.

Pope Frank has officially thrown a wrench in your diabolical plan.

Yep, today Pope Francis called out hypocrites wolfing down a plate of seafood and calling themselves a good Catholic.

Hey you-the guy wiping lobster butter off your chin-you’re no saint.  According to the guy in the big white hat you are nothing more than a glutton.

Keep wiping-you’ve got a stain on your shirt.

I say Amen, Padre.

A-the frick-Men.

I’ve been saying this for years.

When did we start bending the Lent rules?    In addition to the pretty delectable Friday menu choices, apparently the stuff you “give up” can be gorged upon each and every Sunday during this “period of mourning”.

Jesus never took a Sunday off.  Neither should you.

You know what was for dinner way back before all the lent rules got bent?

A grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of watered down tomato soup – fresh out of the Campbells’ can.

tomato soup grilled cheese

And you know what?

We were thankful.  Thankful to be eating, and even more grateful it wasn’t burned.

An all-you-can-eat buffet at a restaurant was never even on our radar.

Lent in a Catholic home during the 70s and 80s meant you suffered.  You suffered bad.

We didn’t enjoy the soup and cheese sandwich combo each and every Friday.  Oh, no.no.no.

That meal took turns with it’s ugly step-sister…


…a tuna fish sandwich on white toast.

Thank the gods none of us were aware of our aversion to gluten yet.

Most importantly, we survived.

We hung on for six long weeks.

It built character.  It made us closer to God.  It made mom and dad happy.

And, Sister said so.

Being an asshole all week and making a reservation for an endless shrimp plate at the Red Lobster on Friday doesn’t make you a martyr.

Nope.  You’re still an asshole…with cocktail sauce stains on your shirt.

Back in high school I opened my lunch one Friday during Lent.  Mom made me a ham sandwich.  I threw it out.

Sr. Martha saw me.

Next thing I know, I’ve got her crooked finger in my back pushing me toward the garbage can.

I had to dig it out and eat it.

Sister Martha said the sin of waste was far greater than eating ham on Friday.

She insisted I “say a novena, give to the missions, and make your own lunch from now on”.

I’m guessing if Sister were still alive to witness the Red Lobster Gluttony each and every Friday during Lent-she’d side with the pope.

I’d even be willing to bet Sister would suggest a double burger and treating your fellow man with dignity as an option.


i love lent


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