Honey Boo Boo: That Baby Has Three Flippin' Thumbs?!?

Honey Boo Boo:  That Baby Has Three Flippin' Thumbs?!?

Have you caught the Honey Boo Boo Show?

Until yesterday, I was ashamed proud to admit that no, I had not.

I caught the tail end of the marathon yesterday.  I tuned in toward the end of the episode where Chickadee birthed her baby.  Oh, My.  And, then the Halloween special.  TRICK.OR.TREAT.TO.ME.

Here are some of my random thoughts.  I apologize in advance for being all over the place.  I blame the Boo Boos.

 1)  Oh, sweet Mother Mary…that baby DOES have three flippin’ thumbs.  SONNOFABITCH.  She IS sucking on two at once.

2)  Why isn’t the theme song something along the lines of Barnum Bailey Circus …bum bum bada bada bum bum bum bum?  Dueling Banjos just seems too refined for this crew.

3)  Calling these people White Trash is dissing the White Trash population.  They don’t deserve to be lumped in the same category with the Boo Boo Clan.

4)  What are the chances Sugar Bear can get his grubby paws on a flipper of his own?

5)  Speaking of Sugar Bear…he kind of reminds me of the creepy guy sitting in the Little Miss Sunshine audience.  You remember the guy–the one who whooped it up following Olive’s fascinating performance choreographed by Grandpa.  YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!  Yeah, him.  I saw a little bit of him in Sugar Bear. 

6)  Scary thing…Sugar Bear appears to be the wheels that keep this crazy train on the tracks.  I told you it was scary.

7)  Maronaise?  Maronaise?  Mama June sleeps with Sugar Bear and she is grossed out by “maronaise”? 

8)  Uncle Poodle was freaking out because the girls were throwing grass at his shirt, but had no qualms whatsoever with sitting on their front room couch?  He’s got to be getting a cut of the trust fund or at least the promise of a tetanus shot.

 9)  I keep going back to my first thought.  The fifteen year old sister birthed a baby that has two effin’ thumbs on one goddamn hand. I gots no words.

10)  How does any self-respecting person allow a camera crew to film their home when it looks like such a pigsty?

11)  I guess for $15,000 an episode, people would do whatever is required.  Then I think to myself, what if they done did spit shine the house prior to recording.  What is wrong with ME?  Why do I continue to watch?

12)  Every single time June or Boo Boo swat a gnat, I swear I’m going to pee my pants.

13)  Because of this, I am not offended at all when little Boo Boo claims she is gonna piss herself.  You and me both, kid.

14)  What IS wrong with me?  How CAN I continue to watch.  I convince myself it is like a train wreck.  I cannot just look away.

15)  Looking at the shelves of toilet paper I wonder if BooBoo is either an Extreme Coupon spin-off or a Horders Episode gone terribly wrong.  Hey, a even a horder has some dignity, right?

16)  Pumpkin, Chubs, Chickadee, Boo Boo.  Seriously?

17)  Of all the possible infractions…kids swearing at her, talking back to her, disrespecting her… Mama June chooses to chastise her daughter because her ass crack is showing?

18)  I’m not gonna lie…Mama June DOES look better as a blonde.

19)  But, again, for $15,000 an episode, one would think hair and make-up would take care of this task.

20)  I know, the trust fund.

 21)  I got up from the tv for a minute and forgot to hit pause…for the life of me I cannot figure out why Pumpkin has an eye patch.  I could rewind, but assure myself that whatever happened, I really do not want to know or need to know. 

22)  For a minute I question my “mother credentials”  I, too, used to tell the children that I had to “taste” their candy in order to make sure the Halloween Loot was okay for consumption.  For another five minutes I want to puke.  For the next ten, I reason that I will ground myself from Halloween treats for the next ten years as a penance.

23)  Okay, now I feel a little bit better about myself.

24)  Uncle Poodle wanted to surprise Honey Boo Boo with Glitzy the Pig…I was more suprised by the lack of an audience reaction to a PIG being in their company.

25)  I was impressed with Honey Boo Boo’s pageant transformation.  The little heifer cleans up pretty well.

26)  Honey Boo Boo sure knows how to “work it” at the pageant.  Although, I do question the “People’s Choice” prize that was awarded based on the “audience vote”.  Come on, half the audience was Boo Boo’s kinfolk.  Of course Alana was going to win.

27)  If audience members had to give their “thumbs up” to vote for their favorite, shit, Boo Boo’s niece got to vote three times.

Regardless of how many digits you have on your paw, be sure to give me your thumbs up by clicking the like button above.  Head over to my facebook page if you remember something I may have forgotten regarding last night’s marathon freakshow.

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