Every couple needs to have this conversation.
Long before your face is plastered all over a breaking news story regarding your disappearance. And way, way before Rob Lowe signs on to play your husband/alleged killer in a sappy made-for-tv-movie for Lifetime.
Make sure you utter these words before there is a murder trial that your once-beloved hubby shows up for each day with a smirk on his face while his sunglassed-legal team paints your dead corpse as a pain-in-the-ass before a jury clad in the same color (all in the name of solidarity, of course) decides his fate.
Whatever you do–have this conversation before innocent bodies are found neatly stacked in a blood-splattered SUV parked on the side of the interstate.
My husband and I had the pow-wow for the first time ten years ago this coming January soon after Lacy Peterson went missing and her handsome yet creepy husband was suspect number one.
I remember the chat like it was yesterday~it took place soon after the guilty-looking husband’s bleach-blonde-massage-therapist-girlfriend~Amber Frey~ entertained reporters at an impromptu press conference.
Not only did the clueless-down-on-her-luck-single-mother blow the lid off the case, she treated the world and me to our first “dose” of Gloria “I’ll-take-your-case-if-it-furthers-my-career” Allred’s winning smile.
In late October of 2007 we had the conversation again.
And, we have chatted even more so over the past few months as Drew Peterson’s trial is all the rage thanks to the third wife suspiciously biting the dust in a dry bathtub as the fourth wife is either missing/dead/or on a solo beach vacay (if you take the word of the guy on trial) .
Add that nail biter to the court case across the hall taking place…with the poet from Oswego.
You know …the guy who allegedly cut the family road trip short on a frontage road in Channahon one summer morning because the only thing keeping him from his dream to start over with the senorita he met on a Mexican vacation was his beautiful family.
Christopher Vaughn was merely a dreamer who wished to begin anew in the Canadian wilderness.
Sadly, his plans were dashed when a pesky wife with a migrane and three cute kids threw a wrench in his plan. Now, we have ourselves another reason for some back and forth.
Actually~as you probably might imagine~I do the “conversating”…the husband does the nodding.
And…the exchange goes something like this:
In the event you find somebody else…someone who will make your spin around this earth better…by all means please tell me.
No need to be shy…face-to-face works–so does a phone call–text–facebook instant or private message–I wouldn’t care if it was scrawled on a napkin left on the kitchen table…just communicate your wishes.
It, of course, would be best if you put in the request to move on before the kids get out of school so I can get your stuff packed and at the front door by night fall…or in the event of extra-curriculars that might have me traipsing about town schlepping kids from here to there…by sunrise the following day.
Trust me, honey…I will not shed a tear. I will be happy for you…happy that you have found another that makes you happy.
Adios, mofo. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass.
Wait–hang on a minute–before you leave let me tie a big bow around your neck–for you are going to be a gift to the next gal…hold still while I duct tape a gift tag to your chest ~ Good Luck, Sweetheart…he is all yours.
Most importantly, the truth of the matter is no one, I repeat, no one needs to die.
God knows I don’t need to have my brains blown to smithereens in order for you to go on with your dream of a better life with the new little lady.
And, by the same token, our kids don’t need to be collateral damage either.
So to sum things up buddy…take your show on the road…just leave me and the kids out of it.
No need to worry about them cramping your style–I’d quite like to keep them if you don’t mind.
Why force someone who doesn’t want to be around to stay?
Why think for a minute that killing your wife/husband and kids are going to afford you the lifestyle you so desperately dream of?
The only love connection you’re going to make is with an inmate named Bubba…I can’t imagine for a minute that will be the romance you are in search of.
Remember, no one needs to die. No one.
Every couple should have this conversation.
Tags: Christopher Vaughn, Drew Peterson, Kathleen Savio, Kathleen Savio murder trial, Kimberly Vaughn, Lacy Peterson, Oswego, Peterson Trial, Scott Peterson, Stacey Peterson, Vaughn Murder Trial, Will County Murder Trials