Just in time for “Personal Stories Week”, Urkel has a bit of an anecdote to share.
Long story short: DWTS needs some viewers. The Voice is killing them in the ratings department.
Cue a “vicious” fight between Urkel, his partner with a pretty sore toe (depending on which account you side with) and Suddenly-A-Bad-Boy-Ballas (quite possibly a distant cousin of Gladys Kravitz…confirmation is still pending).
I had a feeling last week the judges were losing favor with the former geek…but I figured it was because they wanted to even out the playing field.
Then came a blurb from a former gal pal of Urkel. She claimed some domestic abuse.
And now the guy once told he reminded the judges’ panel of Gregory Hines has become a dancer with two left feet; one of which clomped the big toe of Kross-eyed Kym.
Twenty minutes before this crap goes live, Imma go out on a limb and say this is the last week White laces up his dancing shoes.
Just a hunch.
But before he gets handed his walking papers, let’s take a look at the rest of the competition during “Personal Stories Week” from the dancers’ most memorable year.
Crawling out on another limb, I’m going to guess Gilbert chooses her broken back as material to get her in a groove.
Who is with me?
Jack and Anna: Apparently the result of a one-night stand finds her unrecognizable father years later. More forced than the tears were the thrusting pelvis at the beginning of the dance to his own song. 24/30
Giggles & Hough: The old “immigrant parents were janitors in a nightclub” story. Go ahead, roll your eyes. I am.
As usual, Derek choreographed the crap out of the number and stole a kiss or two. Which is pretty cool, now Burke-Charvet has something to inquire about instead of feelings. And she is eating the shit up like a bowl of ice cream.
Looks like we’ve got a dark horse. Beautiful. 27/30. P.S. the gal with the “first injury of the season” moonlighted as a female wrestler last night. She is a quick healer, no?
Gladys & Tristan: 1977~The Empress of Soul channels Motown back when she had a career. For an old gal, she is not so bad, at all. As far as sad stories go…this definitely wasn’t a tear jerker…Gladys is probably counting on all the Motown fans at home to use their votes…24/30
Hip Hop Harry & Chelsea: MJ is Roshon’s hero. 1996 he saw him in concert for the first time.
Luckily Jackson’s choreographer has nothing but time on his hands these days so he can drop by practice and give some pointers.
Totally cool. Len wonders where the traditional saaaamba was…Bruno believes Michael would like it…and Carrie Ann keeps it all real. Not his best effort. 25/30
Fedora Frank & Karina: Inspired by a Billy Joel concert, Gavin headed to NY thanks to the support of his parents.
The scene in the practice studio tells me why Gavin wears a hat during performances. Gavin found his hat and his hips in the knick of time.
Carrie Ann seems surprised that Gavin can dance. I hope this guy is around for a bit longer…he surprises me each week. And, he listens to the judges…24/30
Welsh Wiggler & “Kousin Kravitz”: 1996 when Katherine’s dad died of lung cancer. Ah, shit. This is so lovely I can’t even make fun of her partner.
I have nothing. I think the judges may have TENS. Yowza! 29/30 Yep. Two tens.
Sherri & Maks’ Brother: Jeffrey was born early at a bit over a pound. Sherri dances for her little boy. Sherri isn’t so good when she’s not boppin’ around. Serious doesn’t suit her. I thought it was too safe. 24/30
Let me take a break to say the cynical part of me isn’t buying half of this crap…but I admit I am falling for the other half hook line and sinker.
Me thinks Urkel is going to channel the day the plumber installed his kid’s mother’s toilet. I don’t see anyone else leaving.
Asshat Gilbert & Maks: She just sneezed and head butted Maks. She is an idiot. Here we go…the broken effin’ back.
I would much rather a back-story on the bicep tat, but beggars can’t be choosers.
The hair-whip at the end-quite a touch. It is unanimous…as far as the judges are concerned…she can rock her hair. 24/30
Jaleel White & The Gal with the Tender Toe: He channels a bigger d-bag than himself…Stephan Urquelle. Yeah, how do you compete with the last seven tear-jerking stories…tell yours about how you became a ladies’ man.
White is history. Judges are setting the foundation, audience isn’t buying it…25/30
The Latin Guy & Burke: 1995…William lands in USA after leaving Cuba. The audience seems more than pleased. The boy can salsa. Why aren’t the judges pointing out the mistakes? Burke missed more than a few steps…you can’t tell me the beats her head was stuck in his nether-region was a planned dance move. 28/30 Bruno is biased!
Bird Legs & Peta: Donald chooses 2010, when he lost his best friend to cancer. Again, I have no words or snark.
He was fantastic and the story so very touching. I don’t know why I am surprised, but it looks like another NFL player is going to go pretty far in the competition.
And, regardless of his affiliation with the team north of the Cheddar Curtain, I’m starting to really, really like him…26/30
The One-night-stand, Motown, and Stephan.
Who goes home?
I am sticking with Urkel.
Anyone remember last season when K-Cav…a pretty good dancer chose her landing a gig on the Hills as her personal story…hard to compete with tear jerkers when that is the story you come up with.
This is sort of the same thing…
Urkel is history tonight. Makes those tears and the yapping about Mickey Mouse make sense now. Even he knows it.