Go The F*ck To School!!

Go The F*ck To School!!

Today marks the first day of school for most CPS students…and what a list of incentives the little learners have to ensure their asses are firmly planted in a desk at opening bell.

The hullabaloo surrounding a Chicago Mayor ringing the bell this year as well as any previous school year continues to amaze me. 

The only incentive I ever needed was Mom or Dad’s stern look at summer’s end.  It was time…time to head back…there were no negotiations.   Dad went to work…Mom took care of the house and younger kids…and kids old enough went to school from August until June.  It is what we did.  End of story.

And, now that I am a mother of school-aged kids, the only people more excited than me come back-to-school time are my offspring.   School is what they “do”.  There are no negotiations or deals offered for attendance.  I am their mother…not Monte Hall.  It is the law of the land.

Apparently some kids’ parents need celebrities to remind them…a nine-fingered-mayor and a smooth talking superintendent with a kick-ass accent knocking on families’ doors with a gentle reminder…a parade with tumblers…and freebies…oh, dear God the freebies…to light a fire underneath them in order to strike a chord that yes, yes indeed, it is that time of year…time to head back to class.

Sadly, funding from various agencies depends on numbers…and CPS needs a “good opening day” attendance wise.

Hey–CPS powers-that-be!  Here is a suggestion for next year’s theme to round up the kiddies…”Get Your Ass To Class”!

Adam Mansbach was dreaming the dream when the light bulb went off in his head regarding a kid’s book and their inability to put a head to a pillow and call a day a day.

“Go The F*ck to Sleep!” could be the beginning of a series for all things “child related”.

Since no one in the CPS offices has given my idea of cutting off government entitlement programs to any family whose children are not present and accounted for on the first day of class, I give you a rough draft outline of my dream book…let’s go with “Get Your Ass To Class”…so as not to steal all of Mansbach’s thunder.

 The four-fingered Mayor knocked on your door along with the Chicago Super offering gentle words of encouragement for the poor…consider the gesture…put aside the meaningful tone…the message is clear: Get Your Ass Back To Class!

Area stores have donated stuff…backpack give-aways are plenty…you have got all your goddamn supplies~Get Your Ass Back To Class!

Physicals, shots, dental and eye exams free of charge…there is no excuse for your official paperwork to be out of whack~Get Your Ass Back To Class!

You have attended the parade, been amazed by the tumblers, you have visited every blasted neighborhood festival for freebies galore … the parties are over ~ Get Your Ass Back To Class!

The Million Fathers have marched…annual free hair cuts administered…Stay-in-School Picnic is history…Get Your Ass Back To Class!

Free uniforms…free sneakers…free lunches…free museum and UniverSoul passes…now do your part~Get Your Ass Back To Class!

A free ride on the CTA to arrive the first day in style…and the bus will be waiting to haul your can back at no additional charge…there are no more excuses~Get Your Ass Back To Class!

Ozzie and Kerry and Patrick Sharpe have spoken…their PSA is clear ~ Get Your Ass Back To Class!

School funding depends on your attending ass at the desk on the very first day…your future depends on each day after…parents quit making excuses…Get Your Kids’ Ass Back in Class!


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