Non-Legal Advice for the Creative Kid


Kids put all kinds of crap in their hair.  Mine like yours are probably all guilty of something at one time or another.  Be it gum, candy, a brush or comb that becomes stuck, peanut butter, boogers, or a pair of scissors (isn’t there a barber in all of them just dying to come out?).

Why?  Just because.  And, just because they want to do something doesn’t make it good for them.

The Jolly Rancher Kid along with her lawyered-up-mom and non-facebook-rule-following teacher have been all over the news thanks to the candy crap in her hair.  I would never forgive myself if I let this story die before I weighed in with my opinion. 

First and foremost…the teacher should have been fired.  Immediately.  End of story. 

What teacher in the “facebook” age would 1. “friend” a student or student’s parent, 2. post a picture of a student (under any circumstance) and 3. not have her page/photos locked via security settings?

Not a teacher I would want teaching my kid.  To make matters worse, she is a computer teacher.  As a parent/parent of a student, I am well aware of the amount of “disclaimers” we must sign at the beginning of the school year regarding “proper computer use”. 

“Teacher of the Year” has broken 1-4 on my score card.  Not that I would have faulted her if she had taken a snapshot and provided a copy to the yearbook committee of the “Candy Kid Hair Style”…this summer she could have passed the yearbook around when out relaxing with friends/family…what a conversation starter, huh? 

Look at this picture friends, this is what I deal with on a daily basis…I might not get paid the big bucks, but I sure have plenty of opportunities to laugh my ass off.

She broke the privacy rule by posting the kid on facebook–even if the kid’s face could not be seen.  There should be a zero-tolerance rule for that infraction.

Had she been fired the complete dog-and-pony show that followed would have never occurred.   

My sincere apologies to the “mother” who was hoping for her ship to come in via lawsuit, but she is an idiot if she doesn’t think her actions following the incident were any less detrimental to her child’s feelings than the teacher.  How so, you might ask?

Mom went to school, school apologized, teacher apologized…mom went home and thought about it…probably talked to a few of her friends…apology not good enough…get ABC7 on the hopper…we’ve got ourselves a lead-in for the 10 o’clock news.

So now, in addition to the, say 100 facebook friends the teacher had on her page, now the entire Chicagoland viewing area knows that she sent her kid to school with a couple packs of jolly ranchers tied to her hair. 

And, instead of a story about some random kid getting the short end of the stick from some idiotic teacher, now a name and face has been put to the story.  Cue seven-year-old with a cute sound bite “Momma said the people were ‘mocking’ my picture on facebook”. 

What seven-year-old uses the word mock…mocked…mocking?  What seven-year-old is allowed on facebook?  She must be if she understands about the ability to mock when upon it.

This is when the whole story starts to whiff of crap…but you know what follows…what always follows a sit-down with a news crew/camera in an area living room for a 10 o’clock news story…yep…the announcement of a pending press conference/ensuing lawsuit.  Total bullshit, if you ask me.  Total jackpot, if you ask the entitled mother.

Now, if I am paying attention to the story properly, the mother is suing for her child being made fun of all thanks to a hairstyle she wanted to wear to express her “creative side”. 

Who the hell sends their kid to school wearing candy in their hair for school picture day?  This would not fly at most schools across the nation, definitely not at any of my kids’ schools.

Why, you might ask, are my kids attending schools that forbid creativity?  Nope, they forbid candy contraband…those sweet treats camouflaged in the head of a seven year old would have never made it past the main office where the “chief representative of the wellness committee” presides.  Good Lord, what if those sweet, hard candies had gotten their start in a bag mixed with nutty, bite-sized snickers.  Quick, someone pull the allergy alarm…

Oh, sweet Jesus if the Peanut Police were not called immediately following the candy contraband entering the premises, the Unacceptable Noise Police would be alerted.  Imagine the clankity-clank-clank-clank of all those Jolly Rancher treats as they knocked back and forth with each step.  Not a chance in our school district.  A hairdo that noisy would be far too distracting for the learning environment. 

There is also a rule in the handbook that forbids whack-a-do hair.  After all, there is a time and place for everything.

Our school district knows this and has a solution for the “creative kid looking for a way to express themselves via wacky hairstyle”.  It is called Crazy Hair Day…and apparently it has caught on across the nation.

While looking for an example of the “jolly rancher” do, I googled crazy kid hair…up popped a gazillion pictures.  Most pictures were posted on school websites recounting “Crazy Hair Day” celebrated at their school.  Some were on mothers’ blogs capturing memories of, you guessed it, Crazy Hair Day.

As far as I know, none of these hair-do’s parents have filed any lawsuits based on their publication on the world wide web—and as you will see–some were crazier than the jolly rancher do.

As a parent, we often strive to encourage our children to march to their own drummer–but there is a time and place for everything.  While the teacher in this story did something completely unprofessional, the mother who is capitalizing on it is causing even more damage. 

I suggest she spends the pending jackpot on more crap to put in her kid’s hair to capture her eight-year-old school picture.  While I am guessing it has more than likely already been ear-marked, here are some creative ideas for the creative kid.


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