This follows the last segment of I was 18. A drama in two acts. – Act II. The post that never appeared .
While I was in the eating disorder unit, and my friend come boyfriend went back to friend status, as I say, I lost it. I fell into depression. Nevertheless, my insurance was running out so my inpatient time was limited.
I got a gig doing the news on my old college radio station and the first broadcast went really well. I found a job. And with the help of my sister, I found an apartment so the family dynamic wouldn’t hold me under. I was on my way!
I worked for Citibank… I dressed for success… I worked full time. I lived alone, but my friends converged on my apartment often.
Truly I wasn’t doing well alone. I was lonely… depressed (clinically)… and I almost immediately started binging and purging again. Sometimes, someone would come to the door during the middle of a binge and I would hide. It was awful. Even worse, though, was coming home to find my friends in my apartment when all I wanted to do was binge and purge.
After a month or so I realized I was spending too much money on food (binging and purging) and couldn’t afford to live on my own.
I moved home.
About the same time it turned out I had to have my wisdom teeth removed. That was fine… but I was feeling lonely again… I’d been isolating. I was very depressed. So when I was given my stash of Tylenol with Codeine I sat on it for a few days. And then I took it all at once.
This wasn’t the first time I’d tried to kill myself. My dad was a doctor and I used to go through his closet and pick random, pretty pills out for a collection. Then I’d take anywhere from three to a handful of pills and wonder if I’d wake up in the morning (I always did… but somewhat hungover and with delayed reaction times).
This time tho I took more pills than ever. And I immediately regretted it. I called my psychologist and confessed to my suicide attempt. He instructed me to get my mom on the phone and told her to take me right to the mental health center of the hospital.
Hospitalization number two was about to commence.
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