I Paint My Toenails

To be quite honest, this is such a non-story that I barely researched it — who made the ad (J. Crew) and who complained about it (we can guess, right?). The ad is a mother playfully painting her 2-3 year old son’s toenails while the kid laughs — oft-bored social conservatives say all that it... Read more »

Jim Hendry and the Farm System: Does He Know How to Use it?

Let me complain for a minute… Cub fans often complain about the farm system never producing anything (full disclosure: I am a Cub fan). But perhaps what they really need is a general manager who displays some knowledge of it, or even the slightest willingness to learn how to use it right. A couple things:... Read more »

Get Your Garden On: Cool weather plants are in the ground

Pretend company.
After composting for the past year, I couldn’t wait to get the garden going. So as storms rolled in overhead I got the first of the cold weather plants in the ground today — radishes, onions, etc. The old adage is to wait until Mothers’ Day — mine is that I’ve been going insane trapped... Read more »

Hypocrisy Knows No Bounds

A guy came into my store the other day, picked up the Cubs baseball schedules on the counter and slammed them back down. “Throw these out! I hope they lose every game.” A Sox fan. I smiled and gave him my usual spiel that if everybody rooted for the same team, sports would be boring.... Read more »

Convenience Store Etiquette: How to be a good customer

Writers have day jobs. As revealed last time, one of my current gigs is locking up a liquor store at night a few times a week. Retail has been both a boon and a bane upon my life. My mother and father owned and operated (and operated and operated) a White Hen Pantry for 25... Read more »

Snowstorm 2011: Closing the liquor store

Yeah.. now I'm just taking pics to watch L shovel.
I’m a freelance writer. Which obviously means I also work part-time at a liquor store. So on Tuesday evening (5), when the chaos we all knew was about to ensue, I ventured out (which already involved dispersing-with one small hill that had drifted in the center of the driveway) to relieve my boss and close... Read more »

Chicago's Conflicted Relationship with Injured Athletes: The Wood/Prior Effect

Chicago's Conflicted Relationship with Injured Athletes: The Wood/Prior Effect
Attend the convention – read any “ask the beat writer” column – and the calls for Woody still come pouring in. “Will he come back?” “He’s back!” “Can he still start?” Kerry Wood’s right arm could fall off and fans would begin planning his career as a lefty. In 2003, Mark Prior went 18-6 with... Read more »

Moment of Silence Back in Place for IL Schools

So the injunction banning IL from requiring schools to observe a moment of silence at some point during the day has been lifted (google “IL moment of silence”). I’m embarassed by the state I live in more and more every day. From crooked politicians flaunting their freedome in our faces, to other politicians going to... Read more »

Just Another Gun Rant: Arms are for hugging

“Arms are for hugging.” -The Dandy Warhols More and more our country has found it hard to contain its overtly aggressive attitude towards other cultures (including its own), towards other countries (France, Mexico), towards gays (ChicagoNow’s own Publius Forum blog chastised Archie comics for adding a homosexual character, saying children should have a “safe” place... Read more »

Old Man Kills Young Bully (Over Lawn Pee): Clint Eastwood is not a funny movie

Old Man Kills Young Bully (Over Lawn Pee): Clint Eastwood is not a funny movie
I’ve been listening to people defend this for TWO WEEKS NOW: The (69 year old) man who shot dead a (23 year old) guy who let his dog pee on the old man’s lawn walks free, and people all around Chicago are applauding vigilante justice. I’m stunned at how many people there are just sitting... Read more »