There is no turning back. The Second City had better get images of snow paralysis to rival the whining wussies of NYC. The ominous blob is moving closer on Radar. The weather casters are acting as if they are our lifelines. Give me a Public Works plow any day as a lifeline. If we are dealing with the inevitable immobility, followed by freezing inhumanity- so be it. I am ready. Or ready to be unambitious.
I hit the grocery to grab what will be my salvation: soup, Tuscan bread, a macaroni and cheese casserole, powdered mashed potatoes, Twizzlers, Dove chocolate squares, a box of Pinot Grigio (3 bottles worth, woo hoo) and a screw cap Kim Crawford Pinot Noir.
My go-to comfort foods of buttery popcorn and baked potatoes drenched with every fat in the fridge are at the ready.
Despite the fact that I have not made a divot in my Book Club book, Tiger, by John Valiant (about poaching/hunting Tigers in Siberia, how appropriate) I bought two Bride magazines to contemplate the nuptials of my son Matt and his fiance Justine. Time wasting is my specialty, and this storm is a Golden Ticket to waste time. I am determined to weather this storm with my beloved and intelligent husband parked in Pompano Beach, and to resist pouting or complaining. Cue Doris Day: que sera, sera.
My son Mike is living a star crossed life: he is in Mexico at an all inclusive resort, on an Apple Vacation
. Their return was postponed, and almost certainly will be cancelled. Due to the circular nature of their carrier’s flight plans, they will be there until Apple can get a new batch of vacationers out of ORD. I told him to double down on guacamole and margaritas, but Mike is a worry wart. He wants to staple down his future. As I see it, Miguel is a lucky man. Que sera, sera.
Matt, on the other hand, is a free spirit. When I asked if he had food for the next few days, he was upbeat because he had oatmeal and noodles on hand. Milk? Not so much. I put the Janet Panic in him to at least procure a bit of junk food and bread. He may be too late. Of course, he likes oatmeal, which may prove to be a good, good thing.
I have a stack of shows on the DVR, and a few movies on DVD. The generator was tested recently, and I have a plow service and a snowblower that I love to play with. So I am the luckiest storm victim around.
Steve has cancelled his Wednesday podcast, so there will be no eager broadcasters traipsing into my snow globe. My solitude will be extended if I think that there is any danger facing them on the roads on Thursday. Hell- it will probably take most of Thursday for them to dig their cars out of the city parking spaces. I am Steve’s Storm Watch Central. I get to call a second Snow Day if I feel like it. In this respect, I am the boss of him. And the Patron Saint of the Dahlcast kids.
I DO worry about those rugged individuals who insist on hoisting a shovel. It is imperative that all shoveling be done on an hourly basis, before there is a heavy accumulation. This projected snow will be heavy, and can compromise heart health. Before my brother’s heart surgery, the Doctor recited why snow storms are Armageddon for anyone with plaque (usually undetected) in their veins: the brain gets the message that it is cold, and so it sends more blood into circulation. Then the exertion causes the pump to go even faster. Pieces of plaque are freed up, and clog arteries. The result is damage or death. Assume you have plaque if your diet resembles most Americans. No pristine driveway is worth death. DO NOT OVER EXERT. STAY WARM.
I intend to put on polar fleece pants and thick socks and stay put. I have tall boots and a hooded Land’s End coat that calls itself the Stadium Squall Coat. It is an unsightly kelly green (such a bargain I got to take it off their hands) so I reckon I will be spotted if I expire in a snow bank, shoveling or snow blowing a path for the dogs. I am seeking to find some meditative peace in the storm. I will let you know how I am doing. Right now, I am going to fill my gas can so I can keep up with the blowing and drifting. Send me any fun ideas you have for enjoying the snow. And check on elderly neighbors. Try to be safe, and I hope all of the plow drivers and street salters have plenty of 5 hour energy drinks. And a pre-emptive thank you to all snow warriors.