So there I was, wandering downtown and the Near North side yesterday. Day One of the government shut down. Everything was, well, normal. I was looking for signs of the human catastrophe caused by the government shutdown.
People were enjoying the mild weather. Lunch hour workers were eating al fresco in the restaurants or other outdoor areas.
There were no riots, block long lines in front of grocery stores, mobs of looters and no more beggars on the street than usual.
The Els and buses were running on time, there were cabs galore, the cops were out patrolling, firehouses were staffed, and city workers were on the streets doing whatever city workers do.
I looked up. The airliners were flying in their normal pattern to O’Hare airport from the lake.
There are no reports that the government shutdown affected opening day of hockey season. This was a great relief to hockey fans, especially Chicago Strong Blackhawk’s fans. Chicago is “Hawkey Town”. Hawks won too.
The birds were singing, the rats were scampering, squirrels were chasing each other, and there was the sound of banging, whirring, clanging, bashing, and sawing. The sounds of money. Construction was in full bloom.
Life went on like the government shut down never occurred. So what is all the fuss? There was no catastrophe, disaster, apocalypse, or rapture. The world did not come to an end. Why are so many people wasting so much energy being angry over the government shut down? The government has shut down 17 times since 1976 and we are still here, enjoying buona vita. What’s there to be angry about?
There were several headline news reports:
- The Department of Homeland Security issued a domestic terror alert. Several hundred thousand government bureaucrats are on the loose aimlessly wandering the streets in a zombie like fashion. All citizens are to be wary. Citizens are advised to arm themselves with a ream of blank white paper when walking the streets. Toss several sheets of blank paper to the zombie like bureaucrats. They will gleefully play and push the paper around for about eight hours. After tossing the paper immediately contact your local animal control office so they can be safely removed from the public way.
- Harry Reid, Barack Obama, and John Boehner, known as the Three Stooges, will receive an Emmy Award for the best situation slap stick comedy drama for their show, “Much Ado About Nothing”.
- Vice President Joe Biden was missing for several hours yesterday afternoon. After an alert was put out, he was discovered wandering aimlessly around the White House lawn in a bathrobe, mumbling nonsense. He was returned to his residence and put back in the attic. A new stronger lock was put on the door. When notified, the president shrugged, and continued writing his Emmy acceptance speech.
- The leading personalities of the Tea Party and Occupy Movement held a meeting to discuss issues they mutually agree on and to plan large protests over the coming months. After much discussion they agreed that Reynolds Wrap was the best tin foil for hats and window covering.
- The Department of Education is banning “Green Eggs and Ham from all public schools. According to a furloughed unnamed source, the book is being banned as seditious material.
- In a related story, the Daughters of the United States Constitution want “Green Eggs and Ham” included in the “Federalist Papers”.
- Laid off congressional and White House staffers wandered around Washington doing nothing. One remarked it was just another day at the office.
- Hollywood and New York celebrities went about their normal business of being inane, ridiculous, and irrelevant.
- The Kardashian was spotted floating, breaching, and spouting in the Washington Tidal Basin. Sources say Kardashian’s handlers felt it was only right they volunteered it to entertain while the National Aquarium was shut down. They did it for the children.
- Homer Simpson is putting together an exploratory committee to run for President. Mr Simpson figures he cannot do any worse than the last three, four or five presidents. He also wants to be the first person of multi-color to run for and hopefully win the presidency. Mr. Simpson stated he may ask Peter Griffin, the Family Guy, to be his running mate. If Mr. Griffin refuses Mr Simpson may ask Brian, the dog.
So the government shut down. Who cares? Live, love, and laugh. It is all we have that is worth anything.
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