Grimace for President! (or "Trump Visits Chicago")

Grimace for President! (or "Trump Visits Chicago")

As Trump visits Chicago this fine, crisp evening, I must sit here and ruminate on his mighty sojourn to our fair little burg.

Throughout my years of talking politics (and studying politics as a part of philosophy as a whole) I have found myself to be fairly even-headed and rational.

But, sadly, this election have proven me wrong. There have been political scandals in the past, Watergate and the like, and there have been scores upon scores of unsavory and inadequate politicians. We have had politicians murder, cheat and steal from the very people they represent.

This election cycle so far has disheartened me far more than I ever could have imagined. The candidates (or should I say the majority) are ill-informed, brutish or just plain wishy-washy. Politics used to be a Gentleman’s Sport, where one’s mind was what was tested, not his mouth. Where the quality of man’s ideas were held to the light, not his penis size.

I don’t need to say anything more about Donald Trump that hasn’t been said by millions of educated Americans: He’s boorish, he’s brutish and he’s offensive on every moral and ethical level. And today he visits the fine city of Chicago.

Though this city has not been without its myriad of political scandals, I do believe the fair people of this city are intelligent and rational about who they choose to put into office. Most of the time, that effort and trust is betrayed, but it’s not out of wont that it happens.

Trump visiting Chicago is the next step in a campaign that is as legitimate as the meat in McDonald’s chicken nuggets.

Trump has torn asunder every rational man’s ideas and undermined the very fabric of what the American Political System is meant to be.

I know it’s a bit late in the election process, but I have a new candidate to put forth.

A candidate who has been with us for years, who has been at our side through thick and thin, right and wrong. His compatriots are among the most respected and lauded in the world. His ideas are simple, yet clear.

That man is Grimace

According to his official campaign website, Grimace “is a character featured in McDonaldland commercials. He is a large, purple anthropomorphic being of indeterminate species with short arms and legs. He is known for his slow-witted demeanor. His most common expression is the word “duh” before every sentence.”

He is a man of few words, but a man of very strong moral fiber. He is loyal to his friends and, as President, will lead with a clear mind and a heart coated with honesty and McDonald’s hash browns.

Look into his eyes:


This is a man of intellect, a man of character.

He is even supported by the likes of the famous philosopher Friedrich Nietszche:


So as “The Donald” enters Chicago, remember that there is a clear choice for President in 2016:

Don’t Vote Donald, Vote McDonald’s!


For more updates of Grimace’s valiant fight for the Presidency, follow my blog!


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  • Grimace was just eaten by the Hamburgler. In the meantime, we celebrated at Portillo's.

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