Are you asking the right questions?

The questions you ask or the questions you don’t ask say a lot about a person. Where your curiosity lies, sheds light on what matters most to you. When I am in a conversation, I ask the person questions about themselves. Yes, because I care and want to listen, but also because I do not want to talk about myself. For me personally, this was caused by years of low self-worth and unhealed trauma.

Recently I spoke on the phone with a person whom I never met, but am possibly related to. That is a story for another day, but I want to highlight what was said in this conversation. Now keep in mind it was the first time speaking to this person, but the questions he asked continues to replay in my mind.

What do you do for fun?

Are you happy?

These are not mind-blowing questions, however, it made me realize that it’s the questions that taught me so much about this person. He valued joy. He valued himself. He was fully aware of what was important to him. It also gave me a glimpse into his “why”. Why he wakes up in the morning and gets out of bed. Why he works hard. And these questions shed light on his “what”. What he chooses to focus on. What he chooses to do with his time.

I am a chronic worrier ridden with anxious tendencies. Someone asking me what I do for fun or if I am happy, I struggle to find the answer. I survive. And survival leaves no room for fun. When you are surviving you cannot be happy. Survival and happiness, survival and joy, or more importantly survival and internal contentment do not co-exist.

Doesn’t he know these are silly questions for a person merely trying to make it through a day? I guess not.

The thing is, I have felt that bliss of truly living. And I know when I am vibrating on that frequency, all I want to share with others is joy and hope. So why wouldn’t someone living their life in that reality, want to talk about fun and happiness?

This conversation was life-giving and powerful in so many ways. Stop asking about the weather and start asking a person what makes their heart burst with joy. Stop complaining about your job or gossiping and start sharing those small moments in your day that made you laugh or feel loved. Ultimately, it is the mindset that sets us apart from one another.

I am grateful for the reminder. The reminder that I can create the reality I want to live in regardless of circumstances. And that every day I have the choice to ask questions that find the light in others and within myself.

So, what do you do for fun? And are YOU happy?


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  • I am happy that I have read this. It reminds me of something that my photography teacher taught me at a time when I was also studying theology: You will get a picture of what you're focusing on. It reminds me of the New Testament verse about thinking about whatever is good, just, honest, pure, etc., and then IF there is excellence, IF there is something worth praising, think of that, and God's peace will be with you. Focusing on the good has kept me out of a lot of nit-picking, upset moods. Thank you.

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