I went on a date on Saturday for the first time in a few months. It wasn’t horrible, but when he tried to make it go on longer, I told him I needed to rehearse for a stand-up show that I had 8 hours later. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t rehearse. I cut out the musical numbers months ago).
He asked if I just go on dates to get material, and I laughed and said “Of course not”. (It’s just an added bonus.) I don’t see a future with you? That’s okay. We’ll be together for another year on a spiritual level while I talk about you on stage or in my blog.
But I guess it went better than the date I almost went on a couple years ago. I say “almost” because he never showed up. It was summer break, and I was going crazy on OKCupid. I was responding to messages left and right, or rather, every other left and right. I usually would respond once and then get bored of the conversation.
At around midnight one night, a guy messaged me. He seemed fine. I was down to go out eventually. But he kept insisting that we meet right then, at midnight. I knew what that meant, so I told him I wouldn’t do that, but we could get coffee the next day. This boy was really into me. I guess my pictures were just that hot.
I showed up at the coffee shop and waited. I didn’t want to be rude and order before he got there. But 30 minutes passed, and then an hour. I texted him, but he didn’t respond. That was weird to me, because before, he had responded instantly. I was about to give up. I packed up my things and walked out the door.
Then, a miracle happened. No, the guy didn’t show up. Come on, I already told you that. But some angel stranger sent from some other place where strangers are nice handed me a coupon for a free drink at the coffee shop. “Here. I don’t need it,” he said. I swear a spotlight shone down on the coupon and a choir of angels started singing. I walked back in and proudly ordered my free drink, sans date. I sat down and enjoyed that chai latte. It tasted of sweet, sweet revenge. I bet that guy didn’t get a free drink that day.
I’d like to tell you that that stranger and I later got married, but you know that’s not what happened. But maybe that wasn’t the worst date ever, because I did at least get a free drink out of it.