The Woman Behind the Mask (And Face Shield)

The Woman Behind the Mask (And Face Shield)
If you know me, you know I’m anxious. Depending on when you met me, you’ve know me at various levels of anxiety. My friends who have met me in adulthood see me as anxious, but my friends who met me in middle or high school will actually inform you that I’m super chill now. So... Read more »

We Won't Be Friends in a Year

We Won't Be Friends in a Year
I’m trying to slide this post in right under the sad October deadline I set for myself when I failed to write a post in September. It’s very hard to motivate myself to write when I could be playing sudoku or re-watching every season of New Girl for the third time. Let’s talk about friendship.... Read more »

I'm a 25-Year-Old Virgin and That's Totally Fine

I'm a 25-Year-Old Virgin and That's Totally Fine
I know it’s been like two months since I’ve posted anything on here. Please don’t fire me. I’ve been busy becoming a staple of the New York comedy scene. You know, a staple. One of those things that holds everything together. Or one of those things that clings on to others’ success and isn’t really necessary... Read more »
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Surviving Giardia in a Cult, and Other Normal Adolescent Things

Surviving Giardia in a Cult, and Other Normal Adolescent Things
You may have read my previous blog posts about my experience in the troubled teen industry. It’s not a necessary read to understand this post, but if you so please, here are parts 1, 2, 3, and 4 of that series. We’ll begin en media res, the best kind of res. It’s 5:30 in the morning... Read more »

Dear Lorne Michaels, Comedy Central, and Netflix, Please Hire Me

Dear Lorne Michaels, Comedy Central, and Netflix, Please Hire Me
I have lived in New York for 3 months. Overall, I’m happy with my move. I’m making new friends, making some money babysitting, and doing a lot of comedy. Unfortunately, I am not yet famous. That’s fine. I have 2 more months to become famous before I’m considered a failure by everyone I know and... Read more »

Should I Be Scared For My Life? Bumble and the Creeps Among Us

Should I Be Scared For My Life? Bumble and the Creeps Among Us
I haven’t talked about dating in a while, so let’s dive back in. Since moving to New York I haven’t been on any dates. I asked two people out, both of whom I met in real life (2 people in 2 months!?!?! Some might call me a hero), but they both rejected me (I don’t... Read more »
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A Life Update, New York City: Pizza Rat is Now My Neighbor

A Life Update, New York City: Pizza Rat is Now My Neighbor
I’m sure all of you have been wondering where I’ve been. My posts went from being infrequent to non-existent, and you’ve been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for a new post. Well, I have been busy over the last few months planning and executing my move to New York. Yes, you read... Read more »

Author Commentary on My Hit Third Grade Unpublished Story: Modeling Isn't the Best

Author Commentary on My Hit Third Grade Unpublished Story: Modeling Isn't the Best
When I was in elementary school, I was convinced I was going to become a published author. Not later in life, but right then. Lucky for me, my best friend promised to pass along my work to his step-mom, who happened to be a publisher. He told me she would definitely publish me. Surprisingly he didn’t follow through, or... Read more »

My Sister-of-the-Bride Wedding Speech

My Sister-of-the-Bride Wedding Speech
My sister got married last week. I decided to make her special day all about me, so I gave a speech. Here’s the video of it: Wedding Speech Video And here’s how the speech was supposed to go: Thank you everyone for coming. I was a little disappointed to discover that this year and a half of planning... Read more »
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All My Stupid Thoughts That Aren't Funny Enough to be Tweets

All My Stupid Thoughts That Aren't Funny Enough to be Tweets
Wow. It’s been a long time since I last posted on here. I’m sorry to all my devoted fans who check this page every day for any updates. I’m lazy. So today, instead of writing something new, I figured I’d recycle my notes section on my iPhone. These are some of the stupid thoughts I’ve... Read more »