Ten Signs That Your Neighbors Might Be Shady

I’m a huge fan of avoiding drama.

Especially where I live.

That means I take a keen interest in who moves in the neighborhood—as any concerned resident should.  These days questionable neighbors may mean the difference between relative peace and quiet or your door being mistakenly kicked in by the police (if you’re lucky).

Unfortunately, I have had my share of questionable and downright shady next door neighbors.  Luckily, I’ve been able to identify some key signs  on a scale of 1 (low) to 10 (super extra side eye shady) that have given me insights on a new neighbor.

1.  Your new neighbor(s) move in with trash bags instead of boxes.

I understand moving boxes can be expensive but most folks know how to score boxes from work, a local merchant or the grocery store.  Yet, when I see trash bags I can’t help but wonder if someone had to move in a hurry and if they did, what was the reason why?

Shadiness factor:  3

Yeah, you think the trash bag thing is odd, but you don’t really want to be Judgy McBitchy so you keep an open mind.  Then you start to notice the following:

2.  There has been a noticeable increase in foot traffic visiting your new neighbor(s) at all hours of the day and night.


3.  These new visitors to the neighborhood almost exclusively enter and exit your new neighbor’s digs via the back door—never the front.

Seriously, who in the hell has that much company 24/7?  Moreover, all of this increased traffic is exclusively using the back door?  Excuse me while I give everyone the side eye.

Shadiness factor:  7

4.  Your new neighbor(s) have a sharp increase of visitors who park in the alley.

Is there a reason why you don’t want your car to be seen on the street?

Shadiness factor:  8

5.  Your new neighbor(s) refers to his (or her) visitors as “associates.”

I’ve seen people with friends.  I’ve seen people with colleagues.  I’ve seen people with acquaintances.  When I hear the word associates it makes me think of the dialogue from a “Godfather” movie.

Shadiness factor:  5

6.  Those “associates” of your new neighbor(s) seem to be of high school age and seem to “visit” during school hours.

Seriously, shouldn’t those young men be in school?

Shadiness factor:  9

7.  You watch your neighbor(s) drop (or throw) their trash from the back porch into their building’s trash can.

Yeah it rates low on the shadiness factor, but nothing says “I’m a lazy sack of shit and I don’t give a fig” about where I live” than someone who consistently throws trash (and sometimes misses) off their back porch with the “intent” of hitting the dumpster.

Shadiness factor:  2

Rat factor:  10


8.  Your neighbor(s) uses the corner trash can (you know, the one emptied by the city) as their own personal dumpster.

I’m not quite sure which one is worse, missing the dumpster when throwing the trash downstairs or looking at someone’s household trash when you’re trying to throw away your random fast food trash.  Both reek of lazy.  Both show a complete disregard for others that live around them.  Both are trifflin as hell.

Shadiness factor:  2

Trifflin factor:  10

9.  When the sun goes down, your new neighbor(s) loudly “socialize” on (or in) a car outside on the street.  Every night is a non-stop party.

Don’t ya’ll have to go to work in the morning?  Oh, wait…

Shadiness factor:  9

10.  The trash from the “street party” from the night before is still on the parkway.

Unfortunately, more will join it as your new neighbor(s) always clean out their car(s) and just dump everything on the grass.  You (because you’re so pissed off) will eventually pick up the mess because you don’t want to be embarrassed when company comes over.

Shadiness factor:  8

Of course someone could exhibit all of these traits and be a fine upstanding pillar of the community, but odds are they aren’t.  On the other hand, a combination of three or more of these traits may very well mean that you have a long, loud and possibly turbulent summer ahead of you.

Good luck.  You’ll need it.


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