The Boyfriend Chronicles: The Christmas Conundrum

Let me just get it out there:  My boyfriend has questionable taste in Christmas decorations.

And when I say questionable, I mean the same taste as whomever selected, pruned and decorated our city Christmas tree.

You see he’s a multi-colored flashing light type of guy (with a hideous star to match, Thank you very much) and I’m a steadily lit white light type of girl.


He believes in those same multi-colored flashing lights around the window.

Oh yeah, the garland.  Let’s not forget assloads of garland.

Help me Jesus.

Luckily this hasn’t led to a disagreement.  Mostly me looking at him like he’s crazy while he wonders aloud why I have so many delicate glass ornaments.

The Boyfriend:  “These are pretty but they’ll break really easily.”

Me:  “Not if you hang them correctly.”

The Boyfriend:  (Inaudible grumbling)

I have a hodgepodge of ornaments that I’ve been collecting for almost 20 years.  I don’t really believe in themed trees so my ornaments are of all shapes, sizes and colors.  Obviously such an eclectic mix of decorations are best displayed against a neutral background.

And when I say neutral background, I mean white lights.

I grew up in a house with colored light—first gold, then pink (My mother loved her some pink)—and survived quite nicely, but when I struck out on my own I had my own ideas on what constituted a magical and tasteful Christmas tree.

Note:  It does not involve flashing lights.

Frankly, it’s the holiday equivalent of someone “planting” plastic flowers in flower boxes with air fresheners to give them that “realistic” smell.

Now all of this back and forth is hypothetical assuming we ever live together again in a more permanent situation.  But make no mistake, Christmas decorating is just as important in any couple’s evolution.  Just as important as discussions about finances, children and sex.

Well at least to me it is.

In order to get past our difference of opinion, I even spoke of compromise.

I stated that I would be willing to entertain the notion of colored lights if the boyfriend picked one color and they stayed steadily lit.

He only gave me more inaudible grumbling.

It’s like the ghost of Christmas future is sitting on my shoulder telling me how all of this may play out.  In a phrase—Not well.

It will probably be one of the few couple’s disagreements due to Christmas decorations.

This year he bought a tree skirt for my vintage cast iron tree stand.  And—here’s the amazing part—I let him skirt my tree!

Let that sink in—a tree skirt around a vintage (and might I mention gorgeous) cast iron tree stand.

A tree stand of that magnitude does NOT need a tree skirt

Honestly, I think we might be okay as long as he doesn’t start collecting and/or buying ornaments and lights.

Then we’re going to have to sit down and have a serious talk.
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