Category: sobriety

But You Don't Look Like an Alcoholic

As I was squeezing lemons into my water this morning in the office kitchen, a co-worker laughed and asked, “are you making sangria?” I then screamed “NO I AM NOT BECAUSE I AM A RAGING ALCOHOLIC HOW DARE YOU – YOU – YOU IGNORAMUS” and ran out of the kitchen with the sting of lemon burning... Read more »

Beauty and the Beast Named Anxiety

Always lurking.  Looming.  The looming dread.  The looming fear.  The looming unknown. People say “get out of your comfort zone” and let me tell you that most of my life is spent getting out of my comfort zone because I am never entirely comfortable.  But the difference today is that I know myself enough to know... Read more »

A GrubHub Delivery Was the Key to Finding My Christmas Spirit

The water seeped through the kitchen floor from the refrigerator water line to the ceiling of the basement and then flooded the floor.  So the crews came in and did the same thing they did two years ago when we flooded. That time it was from the outside, and this time it came from INSIDE... Read more »

Sobriety After 15 Years: More Discovery Than Recovery

I say I’m in recovery when really I’m in discovery.  I never had any of the things I claim to have recovered.  Only in sobriety did I find all the things alcohol promised me. October 4th, 2001 is the day I was granted some grace and I chose to receive it.  All I’ve discovered has... Read more »

40-something women: Lend me your previously pierced in several places ears

Yeah, I’ve got some piercings that have closed up.  But if you look closely, you see it’s still there. And if I pushed hard enough, an earring would fit right through there with a bit of pain.  Just like old behaviors. Open them back up and they have to heal all over again.  I got... Read more »

Alcohol is a Liar and a Thief

I really only identified out loud as an alcoholic when I quit drinking.  Of course I was one long before that happened, but I didn’t admit it and I certainly didn’t say it out loud, let alone with any kind of the pride I carry today. I had one job 15 years ago.  Don’t drink.... Read more »

You Only Get a Band-Aid if There is Blood

There’s recently been a new rule established in our home.  You only get a band-aid if there is blood.  When you have twins, if one gets a band-aid, the other one wants one as well.  So we were going through a ton of band-aids for a while there because I was a sucker.  Well, not... Read more »

I Will Still Be Here - Detaching with Love with Hope

You can try to punch me in the face with your fists, but I will still be here. You can nail me to the wall with your words, but I will still be here. You can push me away with all your seemingly crazy behavior, but I will still be here. You can cry and... Read more »

I want to be an alcoholic when I grow up

I have this recurring dream.  Just one of many that takes me back to my desperation of being in the throes of my addiction.  I’m in my parent’s basement and in front of the cabinet where they kept their scant liquor bottles.  It’s bound up by one of those plastic tie locks because their daughter... Read more »

Running on Fumes - On Being a Woman and Caring for Myself

I didn’t even realize it was happening.  I usually don’t.  It happens every so often when I’m not being diligent.  When I’m less patient with my kids and husband.  When I’m prickly overall.  When I’m eating worse than usual. And I never really eat all that well to begin with.  But this is worse. I... Read more »