I’ve been chasing boys most of my life, and because of that, I’ve had some pretty amazing relationships, so I couldn’t disagree with this quote more, which I hear some variation of of it quite often.
Many of my friends and readers won’t initiate a conversation with someone in person, and some also refuse to go online to meet someone, so to them, quotes like that one can be comforting. I get it. Putting yourself out there can be scary, but waiting around for something to happen is boring. And not every effective. Marketing gives you a much better chance at getting a first date, and the more you do something, the better you become at it. Selling yourself has always been the premise behind Hitz and Mrs, so I will continue to share some of the hits, misses and then the marketing efforts behind them.
As I listen to what’s holding people back, I’m finding that often times it’s because they chose the couch instead of saying yes. I love my couch as much as the next guy, maybe event more, but I’m not going to meet someone sitting on it. And if someone does show up on my couch, I might be in trouble. Like call the police trouble. We are all busy. We are all tired. We get frustrated because the last date wasn’t great, but I promise that if you ask “where” instead of picking the “couch”, you will be on your way to a first date. Let me share the latest encounter that backs up this theory.
A couple of weeks ago, I was grabbing a drink at a bar downtown. There was a guy eating dinner by himself, so we started chatting with him. We found out that he just moved to town a few days ago, and lived in the same apartment complex as me. In an effort to find out some good first date spots in his new city, he reluctantly revealed that he met a girl on Tinder and had no idea where to take her. When I told him that I’m a huge Tinder fan, he relaxed and we started planning his date based on the info he had on the girl. I finished my drink, grabbed my new neighbor’s number and was out the door.
Knowing what it’s like to be in a new city, I invited him out a few times to meet up with my Wolfpack, but his job kept him pretty busy so we only saw him once during that span. Then, I went to my girls’ night dinner where I saw a friend who had been MIA for months. She said her busy schedule was making it tough to meet up with friends and that her love life was also struggling, so I told her about my new neighbor who just moved here from New York. Her eyes lit up and it clicked, “You’re from New York too!” As I went on to describe him, she was hanging on the edge of her seat. She knew the value in this “warm sales lead” of a guy who I had already vetted out for her. I found a great photo of him on his Facebook page and I was excited that despite her busy schedule she said “WHERE can I meet this guy?”
Whenever I set up a meeting like this, I only tell one of the two people that I’m playing matchmaker because it usually gets awkward when both people know that there is a setup happening. So while still at our girls’ dinner, we worked on the marketing plan for getting a first date with this guy. I wanted the meeting to be with a group of friends with the possibility of having more opportunities to hang out as a group so there wasn’t as much pressure to get it done all in one night. In advertising, it takes the consumer seeing an ad several times before they make a purchase. By the end of the girls’ dinner, we decided to start a fantasy football league with the Wolfpack, so I texted this guy, he agreed to join and the draft was set for five days later.
Next up was the research for my friend to prepare her sales pitch at the draft. She asked a bunch of questions with the best one being, “Is he a Jets or Giants fan?” When I told her I wasn’t sure, she said, “No worries, I have both jerseys. I can make this work.”
With her research done and her packaging in the works, she rolled into the bar on that Sunday night with her Jets jersey on, hair on point and makeup just right. He noticed her instantly, and before she even introduced herself, he said, “Jets fan, huh? I’m a Giants fan. Are you from New York?” They didn’t stop talking the entire night. Phone numbers were exchanged within 15 minutes and they were sharing food before the end of the night. The key move of the night was sitting next to him. There were two seats open. One next to him and one next to her best friend. Sitting by her friend would’ve been the safer move, but she plopped down right next to him so from that moment, it was on.
They shared stories about growing up in New York, what brought them to a new city and what they like to do. When they both said they love playing tennis, the checked their calendars to find a date to play. While the weather didn’t cooperate for them to play, they grabbed dinner and drinks instead. It was as simple as that, and it all started with one word, WHERE.
When was the last time you forced yourself to go out? Did something happen that got you one step closer to a first date?