If You Don't Ask A Question, Don't Expect To Get A First Date

Part of my job consists of reminding organizations to build relationships with their customers, especially by pushing out content on social media that starts a conversation. I make sure they aren’t talking at the consumer, but instead talking with them. This same advice applies to starting a conversation with someone you match with online or anywhere you meet someone you are interested in. To have a shot at getting a first date, always be engaging.

I know it’s not easy to start a conversation online, especially when the person doesn’t provide any details in their profile, but I can always come up with something by looking at their photos, talking about something that’s currently happening or just talking about myself. I never want to be the person who just writes, “Hey, There!” While I sometimes I will respond to this boring line if the guy is really cute, but he needs to be interesting after that.

A couple other opening lines that I’ve ignored, “Are you highly sensual, Tracie?”, “Hi, I’m in an open marriage.” and “:)”

Once, I didn’t respond to “Sup”, and after 24 hours, I received this follow-up message, “Fuk ya”.

“Sup” … two days later “Fuk ya”

For one of the guys who got a pass because he was cute, below is how the conversation went.

Scott: Hey Tracie.

Me: Hey Scott. What are you up to?

Scott: Working.

Me: Working in sports can mean mean some weekends for me, but not this weekend. What do you do?

Scott: That’s cool! I’m an area manager for a property management company.

Me: Interesting. Are you from Indiana? I’m from Central Illinois and then moved to Chicago after college. Best city ever!

Scott: I was born and raised here. I lived in Washington state for a little while.

That is where I left it. Except for  “That’s cool!” and how quickly he responded to each message , I didn’t think he was at all interested in me. Then, a few days later he finally sent his first questions.

Scott: What’s the point in messaging someone if you’re just going to drop off?

Me: Hey, Scott. It felt like a one-sided conversation. Since you never asked any questions, the conversation just came to an end. You didn’t seem interested.

Scott: What do you mean?

Me: Go back and read our messages and tell me if there’s any reason that I would think that you’re interested in me.

Scott: Yeah. I think it’s pretty obvious.

And that’s how it ended.

On Bumble, the woman has to reach out first, but even that doesn’t guarantee a conversation will break out. I started out telling him what I was up to so he had some things to ask about, as well as asked him what he had been up to in hopes he would give me something to build off of as well.

“Hey Gregory! I hope you had a great week after the holiday. Sometimes it’s tough to come back from a break! I was down in Nashville part of the time then back to Illinois to see family and then went to Bloomington to tailgate for the IU-Purdue game. It was a fun week! What have you been up to?”

“Hey There Tracie!”

Me: Hey.

And that was the end of that. How do you get the conversation going? What are the best opening lines you’ve seen?


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