Speeding Up The Tinder Process Might Not Kill You

What? There are weird guys on Tinder?

People ask me how I’ve managed to avoid meeting up with a bunch of weird guys on Tinder and it’s all about weeding them out when you’re messaging. You don’t have to spend weeks doing this if you ask questions that reveal if they are awkward, inappropriate, forward, sleezy, etc. Are they asking good questions back? If I spend a week messaging someone, I can usually get a feel for the type of person they are so I rarely meet up with someone sooner than that.

However, this week, I was bored so I jumped on Tinder. We matched as soon as I swiped right and then I went back to what I was doing. Within five minutes, he messaged me and it simply said, “Hi, Tracie!” I asked him what he was up to and gave him a little summary of my recent night at the Texas State Fair, which obviously included a lot of fried food. He wrote back that he was having a drink and bored “out of my freaking mind”. He asked me what I was doing, which was procrastinating after getting home from a run. He said he was going to call it a night “unless you can convince me otherwise”. It didn’t take any convincing so we messaged back and forth six more times to get the time and location set, I showered and was out the door within 35 minutes of matching with this guy.

I didn’t really have much information about him, but he was cute and out at a bar on a Tuesday … two things I like, especially with the Cubs game on. He seemed like he had a personality and was very accommodating as I made the plans, but that’s about all I knew. My gut said he wasn’t going to kill me, so I went.

The conversation flowed easily as we had a lot in common, and the Cubs game was exciting so overall it was a fun night. Not fun enough to hang out again so I gave him the ol’ side cheek hug before I left, but as I pulled away he held on and brought me in for a kiss, which was kinda hot. The kiss was not, so I went home. Before I got there, he sent a message saying “I had a blast and you are great”. I thanked him and I thought that was the end of it. Nope.

“Do you ever FaceTime?” he asked. “Like after hours?”

This question came from a comment I made earlier in the night after he said he hates texting and talking on the phone. He prefers to talk in person, but then revealed that he actually lives in Detroit, so I made a comment about FaceTime being perfect for him. To answer his question, I repeated that FaceTime would be a good avenue for him.

“Oh. I like it.” he said, in what I imagine was a creepy voice. “Depends on the content.”

“Makes sense,” I wrote as I tried to disengage without being rude.

“So. Do you like it?”

“Do I like after hours FaceTime?” I asked, hoping he would realize what a weird question that was. “Depends.”

“Depends on what?” he asked. “Your right. I can get rowdy.”

And just like that it was over. I matched with a guy at 8 pm, went on a date and unmatched him by 12:30 am. There is no right or wrong way to Tinder, and sometimes when you trust your gut you just get it wrong, but it’s good practice to keep putting yourself out there until you find the person you want to FaceTime with after hours.

What’s the fastest tinder connection you’ve had? Was it good or bad?

martini

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