I quit. I can’t do it anymore. In January, I created a plan to read one dating book every month this year as part of a 52-Week Dating Challenge. After for months, reading these books is wasting my time. That was kind of my point in reading them in the first place since I set out to prove the advice is the same as my favorite marketing genius, Seth Godin. I didn’t realize how quickly I would get tired of reading them. It’s like watching a lame movie when you wish you could get that time back in your life.
I’m not saying these books were bad. I’m really not. They just aren’t worth the time to read when I have all of the advice I need from Godin’s books without all of the drama and the self-help feel. So this month, I’m sticking to reading another one of my favorite marketing books, “Small is the New Big”. His examples of small companies that continue to thrive because they can be more involved with decisions, interacting with customers, etc. Just like dating one guy is away easier than dating several.
So starting this week, my dating decisions will be made only by me. I will still have my amazing friends (aka tribes) helping me to find single guys, but whether I actually go out with them will be totally on me. Keeping things small.
For example, I’ve been texting with several guys I met online, but through those conversations I’ve always found a reason why I didn’t feel the need to meet them in person. Whether it was the guy who loved his cats a little too much or the one who always asked about my ex-boyfriends, I knew it wasn’t going to work out.
My friends kept telling me I was being too picky. That I wouldn’t really know if I liked someone unless I met them in person. They give me a hard time because I writing is my thing, so I use email and text more than I ever use the phone in all aspects of my life. It’s the way I communicate so it’s become the best way for me to get to know someone too.
So I ignored them for months, but then as part of my February challenge, I finally decided to just go on a date with the best guy in the mix. And by best, I mean the one who would ask the least amount of weird questions. I picked a guy, who we’ll Dylan. He seemed the most confident, so I was hoping to avoid the typical awkward first date who is too nervous to really be themselves. And in the process, the date turns into a lot of work to make them feel comfortable.
It was obvious from Dylan’s texts that he wasn’t going to have any trouble talking on the date. He actually seemed a bit arrogant, but my friends assured me that I was misinterpreting what he was writing. They said if I talked to him in person, it would be totally different. But when we met, he was very similar to this text he sent the day before.
“Just got back from the gym. So many guys trying to get as big as me.”
There was no LOL or JK or smiley face after that text, but they were sure he was joking. On our date we did have some fun, but then there were moments when he put others down to make himself look better. And some instances where he put me down in the process. A night of backhanded compliments.
“Look at that girl acting like she’s ever eaten a salad in her life,” he said about the girl on a date at the next table. “It’s cool that you ordered a real meal. You ate way more than me. Good thing you work out.”
You are the one who knows when to give a guy a chance. Your time is better spent looking for someone great. Godin says that “small only works when the person thinks big,” so don’t try to force something that has no chance of being incredible. There’s no need to eat a boring salad when there’s plenty of lettuce on an amazing BLT.