Week 3: Be Indispensable Not the Subject of a Group Text

“Make yourself unforgettable” is a comment my friend made on my blog post last week. He is a marketing pro like myself, so it got me thinking about my Week 3 Challenge – being indispensable. That’s what “Linchpin” is all about. Seth Godin tells us how important it is to make your employer realize that they can’t live without you. And you do this through hard work.

This same attitude works for your relationship too. You want your significant other to think you are irreplaceable. To do this, you need to put energy into your relationship everyday. Shave your legs, don’t wear sweatpants to bed, plan weekly date nights, surprise them with a thoughtful gesture, etc. Going above and beyond for your person strengthens your connection and makes it impossible to stay away from each other.

Bernhardt says in “He’s Just Not That Into You”, if a guy wants to be with you, he will. There’s no such thing as being too busy. If you’ve lost their interest, they will stop trying to make time for you, and like will find someone else to turn their attention to. We can’t get comfortable in our relationship, we need to keep up that pace we had in the beginning.

So this weeks’s challenge is inspired by all of this advice. While I’m not dating anyone, which I think you all know by now, the concept can be applied to standing out from the competition when trying to find someone, especially in online dating. Be the person that people want to be around.

So I joined Match.com on Friday where it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle. So many options actually make people even pickier. We put in tons of requirements, but does that mean if you met a cool guy at the grocery store who isn’t six feet tall or lives in Schaumburg, you aren’t going to give him a chance because he doesn’t meet your height requirements or lives in the suburbs? Now, I did skip over the guy online who said he lives in “Schaumberg” because spelling your city correctly seems like something you should be able to do. See. I’m getting picky already. But it’s as easy as that to be looked over.

While I was visiting a friend in Seattle over the weekend, she was getting back on Match after her breakup last month. We were looking through her matches and she said, “Oh that guy is way too hot for me.” She let her lizard brain keep her from shipping it. She didn’t think he would ever think she was indispensable. She actually didn’t even think he would respond to her at all, but if she out works the competition, she’ll have a shot.

So how do you become indispensable online using Godin’s and Behrendt’s advice?

– pick a solid profile name: Sorry, ILuvSecks is already taken. What I used was one of my nicknames because it has a built-in story if someone asks me about it.

– keep updating your photos that show you doing things you enjoy: If they see someone doing what they like, they will take notice, especially if it’s something they like too. All of these people talk about being fun , adventurous, nice, etc., but very few actually show that they truly are all of those things. For me, I love sports so adding a photo or two from the games I attend during the year definitely sums me up and gets the attention of other sports lovers.

– start a conversation: There are several ways to do this on Match now, but the most important thing is to just do something. Don’t think you’re not good enough for someone. Show them why you are someone to be considered. The easy way out is to comment on a photo because if they don’t respond, it doesn’t feel like you were truly rejected. Like the guy who just writes, “I like your sweater.” If I don’t write back, he’ll be fine because he didn’t actually put himself out there. With my challenge this week, for every guy that catches my eye, I’m going to write something that starts a conversation. So instead of the guy who commented on my photo, “With all due respect, you are lovely,” I will write something specific to the photo that gets them talking about themselves. Like the guy with his half marathon photo, “I ran the half in Nashville and somehow made it out to the honky tonks that night. Where did you run yours?”

– skip the winking altogether: Why waste time timidly testing the waters like the rest of the girls? Send an email that, again, starts a conversation specific to something they talked about in their profile. Just sending an email that says, “Wassup?”, even if those Budweiser commercials were still popular, isn’t setting yourself apart. A friend texted me last week with a screenshot of the guy who really sent that as an email. Instead of writing him back, she started a group text about how ridiculous that email was. Rarely do you want to be part of a group text among girls on Match.

– keep it casual: While Match makes it seem normal to ask a stranger how many kids he plans to have, that doesn’t mean you should do that right away. Treat this like a normal conversation when you’re getting to know someone. Be yourself and keep revealing the most interesting things about yourself, but in a non-creepy way. For example, I have incredible respect for men who serve in the armed forces, but I don’t need to know how many kills you had in Afghanistan. Seriously, please don’t email that to me again.

Being normal could be the foundation for becoming indispensable through online dating, but remember these guys have hundreds of women at the click of a button so you have to keep working to keep their attention. It’s true that if they want to be with you, they will make time for you, so how will you make yourself unforgettable?

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